


Sound of Silence

by Lilly0



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, M/M, Memory Loss, Muteness, Mystery, Romance, Slow Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-10-11 02:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10452450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/Lilly0
Summary: It's in the middle of the night when Sho, a wealthy young business man, stumbles over an unconscious young man, beaten up and curled up in a dark alley. Tired from the way his life goes Sho decides to do something good and takes the man home. Once he wakes up however Sho realizes that the young man has forgotten all about his past, everything he is, and has lost his voice too. Everything that remained from his existence is his name: Matsumoto Jun. But who is he? What happened to him? Why was he lying on the street, beaten-up? And what kind of trauma did he encounter to loose his voice?





	1. Chapter 1

Sho still knows every detail about how and when it happened. He remembers the street being weirdly deserted, only some leaves covering the ground, every of his footsteps being heard. A dark night, only lit by some street lights, but one of them isn’t working well, just flickering slightly. He still sees it right in front of him, like he is only a spectator, a watcher, and not the person playing the main protagonist of this story. He is watching himself, how he walks that lane, walking home from a long day at work. He wants to breathe some fresh air and get his head free from all the stress accumulating there. It’s cold but the fresh air has filled him with some motivation again.  
  
Life sucks sometimes, he thinks. Nothing unusual. If he drops dead right at this moment now, would someone even miss him? He knows, of course, and knew back then, that it’s a silly thought because he has good friends and people he loves, but the own mind and the own thoughts are sometimes unpredictable.  
  
Actually, when he isn’t grumpy, gloomy, irritated or had a bad they, he loves this path because it leads him next to the riverside, it’s beautiful, calm and almost mysterious. As a child he always sat here and dreamed about how a pirate captain would sail down from the sky one day and pick him up to go on adventurous journeys with him. Or how a wonderful fairy-princess would meet him here, close to the river, and tell him her heart-breaking story and how only he, Prince Sho, could help her out of her misery. None of these things happened of course, still the mystery of the place remained for Sho. It was his place.  
  
This path screams destiny, and life.  
  
This time he almost walks by his destiny though, the real one, not the stories he made up as a child. He almost misses this fragile blink of fate that will change his life completely. It’s only because there is a black cat that suddenly starts mewing when he walks by that he sees a guy rolled up at the corner of a dark alley.  
  
He hates cats. They are creepy, annoying and hairy – _basically like your father_ , his mother used to joke when he would rant about his fear of cats. To imagine it would be a cat out of all that awakes his attention on what would turn his life upside down. _Here Sho-san, look, this is it… the turning point of your life._ Cats are creepy.  
  
His first intention is to run. A guy on the street, with a cat. Thank you. No one can even remotely survive that as he and Aiba had just recently found out during their horror movie night. He is seriously about to turn around and run when the creepy cat mews again, a loud reproachful mew that sounds like she is reprimanding him for being a heartless jerk. His eyes fall on the guy lying there. He thought it’s a drunk homeless first but to his shock it’s a young man, probably even younger than he is. He doesn’t look dirty nor does he look poor. His clothes aren’t cheap, at least that’s what Sho’s non-existent fashion sense tells him. He just isn’t wearing shoes, and socks. And no jacket. What kind of idiot leaves the house without shoes and jacket, but with a cat?  
  
Later Sho will wonder if he would have also stopped if it had been a bright and shiny night, or if it had only been the mystery of this night, the darkness, that reminded him of his long-passed wishes he had dreamed of as a child.  
  
Is he a good person? He doesn’t know that. But right at this moment, something invisible – like a string – pulls him towards this person on the ground.  
  
  
  
  
He does what every honest, responsible and reliable person of society does.  He calls one of his best friends. Between Aiba, who is a helpful soul and the owner of his favourite bar, and Ohno, who has basically never anything to do, he goes for the latter. At 1AM in the morning on a Friday night it’s only Ohno who would sit at home and do nothing. He is a self-proclaimed artist, and sometimes sells a painting with a deep philosophic meaning Sho doesn’t understand. That’s what he lives from.  
  
Ohno picks in his nose thoughtfully. The cat rubs against his legs, and Sho questions it again, why he actually befriended Ohno. Creepy cat likes creepy guy? Ohno grins. “You are thinking aloud.”  
  
“I didn’t say anything.”  
  
“Nope, but your eyes did.” Ohno chuckles. “So, how did you manage to stumble over such an attractive guy?”  
  
“He is attractive?” Sho asks sarcastically. “And how exactly do you manage to see that?”  
  
“His jaw shows obvious distinctive features, he has a small waist, long legs. And he is dressed in Versace jeans.” Ohno says with the confidence of an artist. “So, let’s take him to your apartment.”  
  
“Excuse me!” Sho squeaks. “I’m not taking a stranger to my apartment!”  
  
Ohno shrugs. “Fine, then let’s go.”  
  
“I’m not letting him lie there either,” Sho huffs, accompanied by a loud mew of the cat.  
  
Ohno rolls his eyes, like he is the one being perfectly reasonable here. “Fine,” he says. “Let’s call Nino.”  
  
Finally, a word of wisdom from his old friend. Nino is a regular at Aiba’s bar, and Ohno’s childhood friend, a true couch-potato. He is also a doctor. However that happened.  No one would dare to call Nino away from his couch and videogame to do something also an ambulance could have done. But Ohno does, and Nino doesn’t question his actions much.  
  
Nino arrives together with Aiba. Apparently they had a drink together before. “How did he get here,” Aiba wants to know, eyeing the young man in interest.  
  
“How should I know?” Sho sighs. “I just found him.”  
  
“Then he obviously belongs to you. You need to keep what you find, and make a wish,” Nino jokes. He bends forward a bit, turning the guy on his back and taking a proper look at him. For a few minutes none of them says a word. “His pulse seems to be fine. His pupils are too. No smell of alcohol, definitely no pills. It seems like he is asleep but he probably fainted in fatigue,” Nino analyses. “Let’s take him to Sho’s place.”  
  
“You sure? He could be a mass murderer,” Ohno points out lazily.  
  
“I’m sure he is not,” Aiba grins. “Maybe he was spit on the street by the moon.”  
  
“Yes, because that makes so much more sense,” Sho huffs in annoyance, while Aiba cracks a laugh and clings to Nino while he does so.  
  
“Let’s take him to Sho’s place because it’s freezing like hell and I’m not doing any further check-up before warming up my ass,” Nino interrupts them. “Load him in my car.”  
  
When he opens the door, Ohno, Sho and Aiba grab the guy’s limbs, trying to lay him down at the back seats. Before any of them has the chance to close the door again the cat-devil jumps into the car too, taking its place on the guy’s stomach and throwing a glare at Sho.  
  
Sho shivers. “I’m definitely not sitting next to _that_.”  
  
Aiba grins. “Yes it might turn into a ten-headed medusa soon, and steal your soul. Be careful.”  
  
“In Europe they say black cats are a sign for bad luck. You should feed it though to keep the devil out of your house.” Ohno chews on a drop he found at the front seat of Nino’s care. “From when’s that?” he asks.  
  
“Few months old,” Nino mumbles and starts the car.  
  
“Still edible,” Ohno nods while Aiba grimaces slightly.  
  
“Well, Sho-chan, you take his legs or head?” Aiba wants to know. “Otherwise there is only the luggage space.”  
  
“Thanks for being considerate.” Sho sighs but gives in nevertheless. He decides to take said-guy’s head on his lap, far away from the cat. “Stop it from staring at me,” he whispers towards Aiba while Nino sets off to take them to Sho’s apartment.  
  
Aiba chuckles, and pokes the cat, soon engulfing it in a game.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
Sho owns a penthouse. The last floor of a building right in Shibuya. He has started low before, only equipped with a good idea and his unbreakable motivation and determination. Now he is the editor in chief of his own publishing company that publishes some of the best-selling novelists. He is also a brilliant tax accountant.  
  
The guy is sleeping on his perfect maroon coloured sofa now, wrapped in a blanket as Nino has concluded that nothing is wrong with him and he might just need to have a good sleep. The cat has curled up in front of Sho’s perfect cinema- and sound system right on his favourite Iranian carpet.  
  
“We probably should call someone,” Aiba finally reasons. Sho nods, he had the same thought.  
  
“Good luck with that.” Ohno yawns slightly while he roams through Sho’s fridge, taking some eggs out of it. “Ham and eggs?” he asks.  
  
“Fine with me. But pour us a glass of wine too,” Nino agrees. “And tell us why we don’t need to call for someone.”  
  
“I didn’t say you don’t need to,” Ohno points out. “I said there is no use to it. I bet you won’t find anything of use in his pockets. If we are lucky we might find something like a library card with his name on. Definitely no ID or anything else that would be useful. I would be surprised if he had a wallet.”  
  
“Why the hell do you think that?” Sho wants to know.  
  
“He looks like he got thrown on the street.” Ohno analyses and puts a pan on the stove.  
  
It’s like he hit the truth on its head, Sho thinks. Like he just guessed and analysed the obvious. A guy with nothing on his body except for pants and a shirt… and a cat… would he carry a wallet? Sho approaches the sleeping man carefully. He looks young, he thinks, on first glance at least, but there are frowns on his forehead and he winces in his sleep. He looks pretty, and reminds of something Sho once had but lost. He can’t quite put his finger on it yet.  
  
He slips his and under the blanket, carefully not to wake the guy up. He doesn’t even know why he is so careful, so attentive, but the expression on the guy’s sleeping face basically does something to his heart that he hasn’t encountered in a while.  
  
The pants of the guy have pockets, the shirt doesn’t. There is nothing inside, except for a little silver pendant that looks like a charm and a… Sho turns to face Ohno. “A card for a video rental shop,” he says. “Close enough, Satoshi-kun.”  
  
“His name?” Nino wants to know.  
  
Sho turns the card, inspecting it closely. “Matsumoto Jun,” he recites.  
  
“Anything else? Age? Birthday, birthplace?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Aiba puts a plate with ham in front of the devil-cat and pets it softly. Then he looks up. “Isn’t this weird?” he finally asks. “A guy, hardly dressed, with nothing on his body, no wallet, no keys, no ID. But with designer clothes.”  
  
And with a cat.  
  
It is, Sho thinks. It is extremely weird. He is about to say something but then the person under the blanket stirs, and the guy – Jun? – shifts his body, turning around and opening his eyes. And Sho looks into two of the most beautiful dark orbs he has ever seen.  
  
He is lost, he knows it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun wakes up, and can't remember anything. He has lost his voice too.

The look in Jun’s eyes suddenly changes, sleepiness making place for confusion making place for panic, and suddenly he is up his feet, eyes widened in fear. His legs tremble though and he stumbles over the sofa and drops against the cupboard. Aiba manages to catch Sho’s favourite Ming-vase last minute. Bless him.  
  
He is like an animal, Sho thinks, a beautiful wild animal that feels cornered. The look in his eyes is heart-breaking but beautiful. Before any of them can do or say anything, Ohno shoves them aside. He kneels down a bit to be on the same level as Jun and shows him one of his soothing smiles. “I’m Ohno Satoshi,” he says with a voice that could possibly calm a storm. “My friend found you sleeping on the street and saved you.”  
  
Jun stares at Ohno for a long while before he carefully glances at Sho.  
  
“Exactly, he found you. That’s Sakurai Sho.” Ohno sits down now without slipping closer to Jun. “Your name is Jun?”  
  
He nods.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, Jun-san,” Ohno smiles warmly. “How old are you?”  
  
For a moment Jun opens his mouth, but he closes it immediately again, an expression of surprise on his face.  
  
“You can’t remember?” Ohno asks softly. And when Jun shakes his head, he continues. “Do you know where you come from?”  
  
Jun shakes his head.  
  
Next to him Sho can feel how Aiba shifts a bit. “Told you,” he whispers. “There is something wrong.”  
  
“Okay,” Ohno’s voice is soothing and calming like a soft summer breeze. He reaches out his hand. “We’ll try to remember together. Are you hungry?”  
  
Jun nods and carefully reaches out his hand.  
  
“Good,” Ohno pulls him up together with him. “I made omelette.”  
  
Jun eats it all, like he hasn’t gotten anything for days. Probably that’s true. Even to Sho’s eyes he looks a bit too skinny. But still, he doesn’t give off the vibe of a person that’s been living on the streets. His clothes are clean, also his body seems to have been attended to recently. When Jun looks at him, Sho shows him a smile. His hearts jumps a little when Jun returns it.  
  
  
~~~  
  
Sho and Aiba have poured themselves a glass of whisky, Ohno drinks beer. To everyone’s surprise Nino declines both offers, instead he sits down opposite to Jun, takes his card and shows it to him. “I’m Ninomiya Kazunari,” he says casually. “An internist. Jun-san,” he pauses. “You can’t talk?” He is eyeing him with a tentative, soft glance, the one he has whenever he talks to a patient.  
  
Jun blinks for a moment, clear surprise written on his face, then he opens his mouth. He moves his lips, like he wants to say something, but no sound comes out except for a deep sigh and a panicked shriek.  
  
“You can’t remember?” Nino continues. “You can’t remember if you can talk or not?”  
  
Sho’s eyes widen. “Wait… what?”  
  
“Give him a paper and a pen,” Nino commands without even reacting to his surprise. Sho hurries to do so, taking a few sheets of paper out of his printer and a blue pen. He puts it in front of Jun. Nino hands Jun his card. “Jun-san, can you read this?”  
  
Jun nods.  
  
“Can you write your name?”  
  
For a moment Jun looks at him in surprise, but then he takes the paper, the pan and scribbles down in perfect handwriting _Matsumoto Jun._  
  
Nino sighs in relief. “There doesn’t seem anything wrong with your brain. But it might be a concussion or something similar. I’m definitely taking you to the MRT first thing in the morning. How do you feel? Dizzy? Headache?”  
  
_I’m fine. Only a bit tired, and my sides hurt._  
  
“Your sides?” Nino gets up and sits down next to Jun. “May I have a look.”  
  
Jun frowns slightly, before he sighs. He doesn’t seem that nervous anymore, but a bit appalled and confused. He takes off his shirt, revealing a nicely toned upper body, and… He gasps himself in shock when he sees the bruises on his right hip, and the cut above his belly-button. Nino frowns deeply, carefully touching the bruises. When Jun winces, a pained sound escaping his lips, he frowns.  
  
“Some of your ribs might be broken,” he concludes. “I’ll schedule an overall check-up for you.”  
  
Jun nods absent-mindedly, before he takes the pen into his hand again. _May I ask a question?_  
  
“Of course.”  
  
_Did you abduct me?_  
  
Nino doubles over in laughter, while Aiba giggles. Jun throws them a dark glance, an interesting hint to the character that might be sleeping beneath the confused surface. Sho can’t wait to understand who he is.  
  
“Well, technically,” Ohno muses into their laughter. “We can’t be sure about that. We took him from the street after all.”  
  
Jun chuckles slightly all of a sudden, a sweet sound that draws Sho to him immediately. It’s interesting to know that although he can’t talk he can produce sounds.  
  
_Sakurai-san?_  
  
“Call me Sho,” Sho answers, wondering why the hell he gave up his guard immediately.  
  
Jun smiles and points at the cat.  _Sho-san, you have a cat?_  
  
Somewhere next to him Aiba bites down on his fist to stop himself from laughing.  
  
  
~~~  
  
Sho dreaded the moment the others leave him, scared of being alone with Jun and being uncertain and of no help. But although it was uncomfortable at first, it turns out not to be all that awkward. Jun has listened to him patiently, scribbled down questions, and tried not to look too panicked. Still, it feels a bit worrisome how fast he can put up a mask, like he is scared that someone might see how vulnerable and scared he is. A wall of self-defence. Well, Sho can’t blame him for it. It had to be scary to realize you have forgotten everything about yourself, and end up with not even a tiny sign of you.  
  
When he finally fell asleep, Sho can’t help a soft smile, his fingers pushing Jun’s bangs aside. Cute, he thinks, his sleeping face is cute. It strikes Sho all of a sudden though, this feeling of protection, like it’s fate that brought Jun (and this devil-cat) to his place. Fate. It’s like a second chance. Something inside Sho’s stomach clenches. That’s it, the familiar feeling he had before and the reason why he couldn’t walk by Jun. He couldn’t let go of this second chance. This time he would succeed, he would definitely protect this person.  
  
  
~~~  
  
_Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything?_  
  
Sho has handed Jun a proper notebook so that he doesn’t need to work with too many papers. “You just go to the bathroom and freshen up. I’ve put clothes there for you. Got it?”  
  
Jun chuckles, a sweet, warm sound. It’s weirdly fascinating how he can’t say anything, but still produces such sweet sounds. _Why are you so nice? Honestly?_  
  
“Hm,” Sho sighs. “I’m not sure, to be honest. I don’t know you, and you could be dangerous. But you remind me of something. It’s like I’ve been living in a dark fog for the last years, and then suddenly I stumbled over you. Fate, you know, although it sounds ridiculous.”  
  
_It doesn’t sound ridiculous though I’m not sure if I understand._  
  
Sho smiles. “You don’t need to understand at the moment.”  
  
When Jun comes out of the bathroom he has pulled one of the legs of his jeans up slightly, the white shirt hanging down loosely, the two top buttons open. His belt isn’t wrapped around his trouser but around his shirt, underlining his small waist. “The clothes are too big, right?” Sho muses. “You should be around my size. You are too skinny.”  
  
Jun blushes slightly, and shakes his head, trying to tuck the shirt into the trouser and fixing the loose waistband with the belt.  
  
“Still too skinny,” Sho argues, and ignores Jun’s pointed glare.  
  
Sho takes him to the hospital, once more shocked to know that Jun really can’t remember anything at all, not even the most common way from the metro to the huge hospital. Not even any location or the tiniest bit of his former whereabouts. Still the open vulnerability of last night made place to a more stoic expression now. It’s like he doesn’t want to show anyone what he fears and how desperate he is. Sho is sure he is though, because his hands shake slightly and his lips quiver sometimes. And when he thinks no one is watching, his eyes get dark and gloomy.  
  
It has to be frustrating not to know who you are.  
  
_I can’t believe I didn’t bring any documents with me. Nothing. Not even my wallet._  
  
“Jun-san,” Sho smiles reassuringly. “You probably didn’t have any time to do that.”  
  
_And what if I wanted to kill myself? Wipe out my existence? Erase everything I am?_ Jun bites down on his lips before he continues to scribble. _Was I such a person that I needed to do something that drastic? Maybe I was stupid, mean, dangerous, annoying. Maybe all these things had led to me running away…from myself._  
  
“Jun-san,” Sho takes his pen out of his hand, ignoring the glare Jun shows him. “I don’t believe you are any of that. I don’t believe you can erase who you are. Besides, although you can’t remember… still, all kind of signs of your personality shine through, don’t you think so?”  
  
He doesn’t understand where he gets the confidence from to actually say all this stuff, after all this Jun is a complete stranger, someone he just met, and someone he doesn’t know, someone who can hardly articulate, someone who doesn’t know himself. It could be dangerous, Jun could be dangerous. And if he isn’t dangerous himself than probably the people that did that to him… the bruise on his body.  
  
But whenever Sho looks into these dark eyes, he gets lost completely. His normal ability to judge and keep his distance gets washed away. Eyes in which he can’t see his reflection. That’s it. He can’t see his reflection in Jun’s eyes. And that’s so fascinating.  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
The moment Jun steps into the hospital, Sho can feel how his whole body stiffens. He grabs his arm before he can turn around and just run. “Jun-san,” he says with insistence. “No rash decisions.” Something in Jun’s posture makes him halt though. “Have you been here before?”  
  
Jun blinks, brows furrowed, as he apparently tries to remember. _I don’t know. But the smell is familiar._  
  
“Do you feel comfortable?”  
  
_I kind of don’t like it._  
  
The understatement of the century, Sho thinks. In no way Jun only doesn’t like it… he hates it. His whole body is tensed, his lips pressed against each other in a thin line, and his eyes wide-opened. He looks terrified.  
  
Then a well-known black-haired head peeks out of a door to an examination room. An onigiri stuffed in his mouth, Nino waves at them. “Come, Jun-san,” he coughs, catching the onigiri before it drops down.  
  
Jun relaxes almost immediately. And Sho can finally do what he should have done a lot earlier, but couldn’t. He calls the police  
  
  
~~~  
  
Nagase sips at a coffee. Espresso, no sugar, no milk. Nagase is the epitome of manliness. If there was a metaphor for manliness, forget Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nagase Tomoya it is! “It’s the best for him to stay at your place, Sho-san.”  
  
Sho almost spits out his coffee. Long, with milk, and sugar. “What did you say? Nagase-san, you are police officer! How can you say…”  
  
“There is no report for a missing person that fits his description,” Nagase tells him calmly while lightening a cigarette. “I’m going to check it further. But my investigation from today and the talk with the hospital showed me that Matsumoto-san is indeed suffering from amnesia and can’t tell us anything.”  
  
“Do they know why?”  
  
“Post-trauma, at least that’s what the neurologist said. He is healthy, no damages except for the broken ribs. He might have hit his head, most likely it’s the reaction to a shock though. We don’t know by now if it was a crime or not, he could have fallen.”  
  
“Nagase-san.” Sho rubs his temples like he is meditating. “He was carrying no shoes, no jacket, no wallet and…”  
  
“Yes, I know.” Nagase scratches the back of his head. “But we have no proof of a crime. I need to investigate this further. Hence, I want him to stay at your place.”  
  
“But why?” He is not ready to give in that fast. It’s not that he doesn’t want Jun to stay with him… it’s rather that he wants it a little too much. He is almost relieved that the responsibility lies in his hands, and not in some stranger’s. It’s like he found a puppy and doesn’t want anyone to take it from him.  
  
“Ninomiya said that the neurologist told them, the last thing we should do is change his environment again. The safest for his mind is to stay where he woke up.”  
  
Sho sighs slightly. “Is it safe?” he finally dares to say. “Are we safe?”  
  
Nagase nods. “One of my men, Oguri Shun, will always be close to you and observe your apartment and everyone that approaches Jun. Oguri is one of my best, you can trust him.”  
  
Sho nods. “Do you think it’s really his name? Jun, I mean. Nino told me he might use that name because we asked him about it. It might be that he doesn’t really remember, and just thinks he does.”  
  
Nagase chuckles. “We don’t have any other name to call him by at the moment. So let’s stick with Jun, shall we?”  
  
“Fine with me.” Sho nods, taking the documents Nagase hands him. There are several schedules and information that tell him when Jun has to show up at the hospital and when his check-ups are, when he should meet with the police and alike. Sho feels relieved that he is basically his own boss, so he can do whatever he wants. Still, he probably needs to think of a way to keep Jun a bit occupied so that he won’t need to stay at home all the time. Maybe he could talk to Masaki and Ohno.  
  
He wonders if it’s a mistake to take this guy in and to look after him, but for once he decides to go with the flow, like it’s fate – no matter if he believes in it or not. He doesn’t want to turn his back to this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Jun woke up, and has no idea who he is, what he is and what he did. He doesn't know what happened. He can't talk on top of that. And Sho just feels drawn to him, so that he can't do anything else but help.
> 
> Writing dialogues here will be a challenge :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun tries to settle in, as much as he can settle in with not remembering anything about his past...

_I’m a person that no one misses._  
  
Jun flinches a bit when Sho looks at him in disbelief, he can clearly see the discomfort and the surprise in his eyes, like he doesn’t know what to say. “Jun-san,” he starts, sounding careful. “You don’t know that.”  
  
Jun sighs slightly. _I do._  
  
Sho’s lips tug nervously. His hand reaches for Jun’s arm and Jun can feel how he squeezes him. It’s a nice feeling, reminding him of how he is still alive, and although he doesn’t know what happened and who he is, not even his age or what he did before, his job, it makes him relax a bit. Only momentarily though because the shadows hunting him are only too real. What the hell happened that he ended up in the corner of a street the way he did? Where did his bruises come from? Where were his possessions?  
  
Who the fuck is he!? What kind of life did he lead. How…  
  
“Stop it,” Sho says all of a sudden.  
  
Jun blinks, opening his mouth to say something, but then he remembers he can’t. It’s so frustrating not to be able to voice something out directly, so nerve-wracking not to be able to react, so…  
  
“I said, you should stop it.” Sho parks his car at the garage of his apartment and waits for Jun to get out of it. They go to the elevator together, while Jun scribbles something into his notebook.  
  
 _What do you mean?_  
  
Sho smiles soothingly. “You are overthinking it. I understand that you feel scared and nervous, and desperate. But the more you pressure yourself, the worse it will get. I’ll help you find out what you want to find out, and Nino will too, just like Nagase-san. I know it’s difficult to trust someone, when you don’t even trust yourself, but at least give yourself and this situation a tiny chance.”  
  
What is he supposed to say to that? Of course Sho is right, but it’s easier said than done. How can he switch off his mind from the obvious?  
  
“It’s easier to find your identity with a clear head,” Sho continues his lecture. “You should stop freaking out and calm down instead. Do you think it’s going to be effective for your search of who you are when you are making yourself go crazy?”  
  
Jun frowns, pondering for a while, before showing Sho his scribbled answer. _Are you working as a teacher? Your lectures are really something._  
  
Sho  laughs. “I’ve originally worked as a tax accountant. Then built up a business on my own.”  
  
Taxes? So boring. Unbelievable.  
  
Sho’s laugh gets even louder. “You think it’s boring, aren’t you?”  
  
 _How do you know?_  
  
With a ringing sound the elevator opens and they step directly into Sho’s huge apartment. Sho pokes his arm. “Even though you can’t talk, your face gives it away.” He grins surprisingly dorky, and Jun is surprised he can make such a face. He looks so earnest most of the time. “I like everything about economics and taxes, and numbers. But don’t worry, my business is a publishing one.”  
  
Jun tries to make a serious expression while he listens, like he understands, but Sho continues to giggle, and he knows he fails at it. He can’t help but show Sho a little smile himself.  
  
Sho winks slightly. “Who knew your smile is that beautiful?” He closes the door of the elevator with a code, before he leads Jun to the kitchen. He takes some ingredients out of the fridge. Carrots, onions, radish. Meanwhile he starts boiling water, and-  
  
Jun stops him before he can put the noodles into the boiling water.  
  
Sho blinks. “Is there a problem?”  
  
There is no time to write it down, so Jun just shakes his head and shoves Sho to the side. He grabs the ramen noodles from him and puts them to the side. Too early for them. He angles for some herbs from the cupboard and starts mixing them together, adding them to the water to actually make a soup out of it, puts some vegetables into it to cook them with the soup and add some flavour to it. Then he snips the rest of the vegetables, fast and into perfectly shaped pieces so that they would be able to eat them with their chopsticks.  
  
He is so occupied by his task that he doesn’t realize first that Sho isn’t saying or doing anything. Only when he finished the vegetables and the soup and is about to add the noodles, he turns around to look at Sho. Seeing the surprised expression in his eyes, Jun pulls his eyebrows up.  
  
“You can cook?” Sho says silently, before he looks at Jun with a smile. “You can cook!”  
  
Jun stares at the perfectly shaped and snipped vegetables in sincere shock. What the hell? Did he really do that? Something behind his eyelids burns, he closes them for a moment, feeling how his eyes tear up slightly.  
  
“See?” Sho says softly. “I told you, the moment you stop overanalysing everything, some things will come back to you naturally.”  
  
That’s good, Jun thinks, not only because he has finally a tiny little piece of his personality back but because he can actually give something back to Sho for keeping him here until the police found out what happened to him. He can’t pay Sho after all or do something else for him, so he has to refrain to cooking.  
  
While the dinner gets ready, he shoves his notebook towards Sho. _Do you have cooking books?_  
  
Sho grins. “Plenty. I bought tons of them to improve my cooking. I thought when I can learn everything about taxes, I can also learn everything about cooking. But I can’t even make popcorn in the microwave. So I stuck to takeaway food most of the time.”  
  
Jun frowns, his stomach twisting in horror. _Unhealthy!_ He scribbles down. _You can’t live of fast-food, or you will get sick! That’s irresponsible. Give me the books, and I’ll cook from now on._  
  
“ _Irresponsible_.” Sho recited and chuckles. “And you just said my lectures were good. I don’t expect you to cook though, you are not my maid, I want you to know that.”  
  
 _I want to do something. I can’t stay here without helping you!_  
  
Sho looks at him thoughtfully for a while, like he is searching for something in his eyes, then he nods and smiles. “Fine, thank you.”  
  
  
~~~  
  
Jun has settled in. As much as he is able to settle in right now, with the situation he is going through at the moment. Every day he stands up at the same time like Sho, not trying to think about who he is and why he is here. He makes breakfast, while Sho is in the bathroom, sets the table, puts some flowers on it sometimes, flowers he finds when he goes for a walk here and there, and he prepares Sho’s bento box. Surprisingly… he loves cooking. His fingers are moving skilfully when he is cutting vegetables, he is able to cook various things at once, his hands moving on their own. It sets his mind at peace actually and makes him switch of his bothering thoughts.  
  
“Don’t overwork yourself.” Sho tells him, while he is fixing his tie. “No need to cook for me daily.”  
  
Jun smiles and chuckles soundlessly. He winks towards Sho in what he hopes would be a casual gesture. Sho is so nice towards him, and Jun doesn’t want him to see all his fears and know that he is hardly sleeping at night. He shouldn’t worry Sho. Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he sees pictures, but it’s only snippets of something he isn’t sure is part of him or just a dream. When he opens his eyes, he can’t remember anymore what he actually saw in his dreams. It drives him nuts. So much that he is almost afraid to go to sleep again at nights.  
  
“I’m taking you to the hospital for your check up,” Sho tells him when he accepts the bento-box prepared for him with a grateful smile. “Then you’ll meet with the police. Shun-san is your private investigator, you know him already.”  
  
Jun nods almost instinctively. Yes, he knows Shun-san, he even likes him somehow, as much as you can like a policeman. The hospital however is still his biggest fear, he doesn’t know why, but whenever he steps into this white building, smells this specific sterile smell, something inside him clenches painfully. Like it’s reminding him of something, but he doesn’t know what. He just knows he hates it. He hates hospitals.  
  
“Don’t give up hope,” Sho tells him casually, apparently sensing Jun’s discomfort. When Jun looks away to not make Sho see the wary glance in his eyes because he is sure he can’t hide it, Sho touches his arm. It’s an affectionate touch, like he wants to stop him from pondering too much, like he wants him to calm down.  
  
Something inside Jun twitches all of a sudden, glimpses of pictures passing in front of his eyes. He is sure he can feel another person’s hand against his, a warm breath close to him. He isn’t sure if the hand is holding his gently or clenching it painfully. He sees a sign on the wall right behind him, a word written on it in golden capital letters…  
  
“Jun-san?” Sho’s voice seems to come from far away, like he is only a dream.  
  
Jun flinches at the feeling that suddenly swells up inside him, not sure why it makes him feel so horrible. Something inside his head hammers against his temples like crazy, like he is short for breath. He gasps a bit for air, wants to say something and call for a glass of water, but he can’t. No voice escapes his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a shorter chapter this time, because I didn't have much time this week. But I hope you'll enjoy it. We'll soon get more pieces about about Jun :-)  
> Also Aiba and the others will soon appear again with bigger roles. And we'll soon have another surprise guest :-)  
> Sho already feels really protective of Jun, but we'll need some time until true feelings appear ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jun's panic attack Sho decides he needs to go out and have fun. They go to Aiba's bar.

Sho panicked. He will openly admit it… he panicked. When Jun suddenly broke down, only gurgling something, trying to voice words but obviously not able to say what he wanted to say, Sho’s mind almost went blank. What the hell is he supposed to do in such a situation? How can he communicate in such a moment with someone who can’t talk?

 

He tried to ask Jun, shake him, talk to him, yell at him. He even slapped his cheek. But there was no response coming from him. Jun’s body was just shivering and his eyes clouded with panic.

 

So Sho called Nino.

 

 

 

“Here,” Nino hands him some meds. He drove to his place as fast as possible while giving him advice over the phone. “It’s a panic attack. I thought it was an epileptic shock first, but good thing it wasn’t. He probably remembered something.”

 

“Is that a normal reaction?” Sho asks, watching how Nino forces Jun to take a tranquilizer.

 

Nino sighs slightly. “Not really. To be honest I wasn’t so sure if I believe him or not, but seeing this here…” he points at Jun lying at the floor, covered by a blanket. “I think he has really been traumatized. As a doctor I _need_ to help him now that I know that. As a friend I want you to be careful though.”

 

“Because you think he is dangerous?”

 

Nino grins brightly. “Not at all. If he wanted to get into your pants or kill you, he would have done that long ago already.”

 

Sho blushes slightly, throwing Nino a glare. But this sarcastic prick just laughs. “You think I would be that easy to get?” he grumbles.

 

Nino smirks. “He is good-looking and you haven’t been laid or laid someone since forever.”

 

“How do you want to know that?” Sho huffs.

 

“I know,” Nino teases, and Sho finally gives in with a sigh. No one can beat Nino after all.

 

“So why do you think I should be careful?”

 

Nino shrugs. “We don’t know if someone is after him. To react in such a way because you regain a probably only small piece of your memory, is really appalling. We don’t know if someone did something to him… and what they did to him. That’s what you should be careful about. I’m glad Nagase-san has set his men on you.”

 

Sho sighs. Yes, he is worried too. He looks at Jun’s figure lying next to him. Even in his sleep he looks pressured and stressed, and helpless. Poor guy. What did they do to him?

 

~~~

 

 

When Jun wakes up, he winces a bit like he is in pain, touching his head. Sho and Nino carried Jun to the sofa, and Sho has rested Jun’s head on his lap. Nino has left them alone a while ago and Sho cancelled all his dates for today. He brushes through Jun’s dark strands of hair soothingly. “You are awake?” he asks carefully, taking the towel drenched in cold water and presses it against Jun’s cheeks and forehead.

 

Jun shivers slightly and opens his eyes, and for a moment Sho is mesmerized. Like in the taxi a few weeks ago, he can’t see his reflection in them. He can’t see himself in these eyes. For a tiny second it’s like an open door and he can look deep into Jun. He sees fear and desperation, and confusion. Then Jun blinks and the door is closed again. When he opens his eyes again, Sho can see his reflection in his eyes again.

 

Jun’s lips form a word, and although he can’t produce a sound, Sho knows what he is saying. “Don’t be sorry,” he tells him and brushes his bangs to the side.

 

Jun curls to the side a bit, hiding his face in Sho’s shirt, and Sho just naturally reacts, letting his fingers brush through Jun’s hair soothingly and just humming some sort of song. Any song, he doesn’t even know the title of it. It’s just something he heard in the radio a while ago. They keep this position until Jun calmed down and sits up. His face is flushed like he is suddenly feeling embarrassed about his breakdown. Sho wishes he wouldn’t, because there is nothing to be embarrassed of. When Jun opens his mouth, it seems like he wants to say something, but again he can’t produce a sound.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sho says softly. “Please don’t worry so much.”

 

 

~~~

 

Sho decides they need to go out, although it naturally leads to an argument with Jun… though not really, as he can’t talk back to him.

 

_I have nothing to wear!_

 

“You can borrow my clothes,” Sho points out.

 

Jun frowns. _I have nothing to wear._

 

“They are not that bad,” Sho pouts.

 

Jun rolls his eyes, shaking his head vehemently. It makes Sho sigh theatrically, then he gives in. Seems like he can’t decline his own stray puppy any wish. “Tomorrow we’ll go shopping.”

Jun shakes his head. _I have no money, you know that._

 

Sho nods. “I know that, but I’m helping you out of course,” he says, because it just feels natural to do it. To be honest, he doesn’t question it much.

 

To his surprise though Jun frowns, looking angry all of a sudden. When he scribbles his answer in his notebook, he does it almost too fast. _I’m not living off you! I’m already living here in your apartment, I’m not going to take your money as well and buy something for me!_

 

He wants to write more, but Sho stops him before he can do so. “I didn’t mean to insult you, Jun-kun,” he says softly. “I really didn’t. I know you don’t want to use me for my money.” He pauses. “You know what. Let’s do it differently: Choose something I’m not wearing much and alter it to your liking. How about that? And we can talk about how to get you your own stuff later.”

 

Jun tilts his head before a beautiful smile spread on his lips. He hugs Sho all of a sudden, probably because he can’t tell him his emotions in any other way. Sho can’t help but blush, he is used to using words and to have others show him their opinion of him through words too. To have someone at his side now who is not able to talk and hence refrains to other ways to show him his emotions and respect is challenging him too. It’s a good challenge though, and an important one.

 

Jun has chosen one of Sho’s blue jeans, ripped a few holes into it and attached a few glittery stones to them, the ones that Sho bought for a child of one of his authors once but forgot to give it to them. He takes an additional broad belt now and put some of the tiny stones there as well. And he is wearing one of Sho’s simple black shirts, just that he cut the sleeves off. One side of his hair he has braided back and clipped back, again using some of the glittery stones to decorate the clips.

 

“You know what you are doing,” Sho states calmly. “You also know how to dress up.”

 

Jun looks unsettled all of a sudden and Sho tries to lighten his mood immediately. “It doesn’t need to be something bad,” he urges. “It can also mean you like fashion or you made your own fashion.”

 

He tries to play it down, but still… Jun does look dazzling. With simple things he managed to get the maximum out of Sho’s clothes and underlines his own features. It’s almost like he gives people who look at him a promise that there is more beneath the surface awaiting them. He doesn’t tell it Jun of course, it’s only just assumptions and observation, they might not mean anything.

 

When they leave the house, they stumble over Shun, who is currently watching the entrance door for possible strangers. “Why don’t you call your colleague to replace you and come with us?” Sho offers.

 

Shun smiles and nods.

 

They head for Nino’s bar all together and although Jun looks tensed first, he loosens up gradually.

 

“Shun-san, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Aiba says cheerfully, and clasps his shoulders. He pays them the first round of drinks.

 

Jun watches their banter for a while, smiling slightly. He doesn’t seem to be bothered that he can’t join their talk. “Jun-san, you are looking good today. You know how to make an appearance,” Ohno says light-heartedly all of a sudden, as always spending his evening at the bar. They have a regular’s table once a week, Sho and his friends, but Ohno visits the bar almost every night. Today is one of these regular meetings though.

 

Jun looks uncertain at Ohno’s comment, but Sho just nods soothingly at him and he relaxes. _It’s nothing special._ He scribbles down.

 

“True,” Nino snickers. “One also needs to have the looks. An outfit alone won’t make you hot.”

 

_I’m not hot!_

 

Aiba giggles at that comment. “I kind of want to print your image to a few folders for my bar and then hand them to strangers. I’m sure you’d attract people.”

 

Jun blushes while Sho’s eyes widen in horror. “Are you nuts,” he huffs. “Who knows what kind of people you would attract then!?”

 

“Jeez, I was just thinking aloud,” Aiba chuckles. “No need to get defensive. I just thought-“

 

He can’t finish his sentence though as a group of business men enter his bar and obviously want to drink something. Aiba is about to get up with a sigh, when Jun grabs his arms. _You should enjoy your evening. I can help!_

 

Aiba chuckles. “I’m not going to take advantage of you,” he says. “You should have fun here too. It’s also an evening out for you.”

 

 _Please._ Jun’s eyes get huge all of a sudden, apparently he seems to be really into the thought. _Let me try. I think it would be fun._

 

“Well then,” Aiba gives in, of course someone like him can’t say no to Jun’s huge puppy eyes. He is basically melting Aiba’s heart with his charm. Sho is about to argue thought, voicing his worry about Jun wanting to help out at the bar, because… the language barrier, he can’t talk and he doesn’t know how to mix drinks and…

 

Ohno puts a hand on his arm and shakes his head. With a sigh Sho gives in.

 

~~~

“I’m keeping him!” Aiba exclaims with a bright grin. It’s 2 AM and he is about to close the bar. “I’m so keeping him! Hands off, Sho, he is mine now.”

 

“What?” Nino snickers. “You think you are in a freaking movie?”

 

Ohno apparently had a few drinks too much and wriggles his eyebrows. “Am I supposed to get jealous now?”

 

“Not at all,” Aiba smirks, blowing a kiss at Ohno. “You’ll forever stay my sex buddy. Jun however will be my bar-assistant from today on.”

 

“Sex buddy?” Nino asks in disbelief. “You two are having sex? No way.”

 

“Assistant?” Sho asks. “No!”

 

“Way to burst out our secret,” Ohno chirps. “Although to be honest we thought you realized it already.”

 

“How?” Nino asks dryly. “You are like the most asexual being ever, Sa-chan!”

 

“That’s because you two shared a bathtub with each other when you were two,” Aiba points out with a wink. “I however know Satoshi’s bad sides. The really bad ones. He is a beast in-“

 

“AHHHHHH,” Nino covers his ears. “Stop it! No details. Never details!”

 

“Fine,” Aiba gives in. “So it’s settled, Jun-chan will work for me.”

 

“NO!” Sho huffs, trying to ignore Jun’s pout and the puppy eyes he shows him. Damn it, suddenly he knows how to use his goodies or what?

 

“Why not?” Aiba asks. “He did so well. He can’t talk with the guests, still he managed to charm them. They gave tons of tips tonight, right Kasumi-chan?” His pretty female subordinate nods excitedly. She is still in collage, having a part-time job here and apparently also very eager to have Jun around.

 

“Coincidence,” Sho huffs. Jun looks upset all of a sudden. “It’s dangerous,” Sho urges. “We can’t watch over Jun all the time when he is here, you know that!”

 

“I’m here too,” Aiba argues.

 

Sho stubbornly shakes his head. He doesn’t know why he is so much against this idea. Of course he knows Jun wants to do something, but here… when Sho can’t watch over him? How can he assure that Jun is safe then? And who will look out for him? What if the person or the persons that hurt Jun will find him here?

 

No, it’s better if Jun stays away from such places.

 

They walk the way back to Sho’s apartment, and Jun apparently decided to ignore him for the time being. Sho sighs, like a little kid really. “I know you are mad,” he says. “But this is for the better, believe me.”

 

Jun crosses his arms, continuing to walk without looking at Sho. Wow, Sho didn’t know beforehand that an atmosphere can become so icy all of a sudden. He also didn’t realize that although Jun does never talk, it’s different when he doesn’t communicate at all. It’s interesting to Sho, how they usually seem to communicate even without words.

 

Shun gives them some privacy by walking behind them, not that they would need any, as there is no conversation happening at all. It’s when they get into the elevator to Sho’s apartment, that Sho turns to face Jun. “Jun-kun,” he says with insistence. “I didn’t mean to upset you or anything.”

 

Jun shoots him a glare, before he grabs his notebook, basically ripping it open. _COINCIDENCE!? You jerk!_

 

“I didn’t want to belittle your efforts and work,” Sho argues. “I’m just worried.”

 

Jun frowns. _I’m not talking to you!_ He scribbles before he gets off the elevator and stomps into the guestroom that became his over the last couple of months. Sho rubs his temples tiredly, wondering how he should handle this dramatic situation now. He gets distracted by his phone vibrating in his pocket. A message from Ohno.

 

_Let him work there._

 

Sho sighs. Apparently he got talked into this whole thing by Aiba, even more obvious as he seems to be Aiba’s lover. He doesn’t feel like typing a message and discussing the issue like that, so he calls his friends. “Masaki-kun told you to talk me into it.”

 

“No,” Ohno says calmly, apparently almost sober again. “Though he was pissed that you declined. This is my own personal opinion.”

 

“It’s dangerous,” Sho argues.

 

“Maybe, but every walk into a supermarket can be dangerous,” Ohno argues. “You can’t lock him in, Sho. Do you even remotely understand how he feels? He doesn’t know anything about his life, nothing, and he can’t contribute anything to his living. He is dependent on you and your kindness. It has to be a horrible situation for him.”

 

Sho stays quiet for a while. “I know,” he admits, because really, it’s just…

 

“If he really means something to you, whatever it is you feel for him, then show him that you respect him and his wishes. Of course you should still be careful and he should be too, it’s good to emphasize that, but Masaki’s bar is small and hidden, and Jun should work there only when Masaki is there too, how about that? Masa is not an idiot, he will watch out for Jun.”

 

“I know,” Sho’s voice trails off. “Just…”

 

“What?” Ohno chuckles. “Don’t tell me you didn’t like that tonight’s guests were checking him out and giving him such a huge amount of tip because they liked him?”

 

Sho blushes, glad that Ohno can’t see it, because yes, if he is honest he didn’t like that. “What if someone tries to do something funny,” he argues.

 

Ohno chuckles again. “He is a grown-up man, Sho. Trust him to set his own boundaries. Besides if really someone tries something, there is Masaki too.”

 

Sho lets out the deepest sigh ever. Bothersome friends, really. “Fine,” he says. “Fine, as long as it’s not every day and Masaki is there too I guess it’s safe enough. And I’ll try to-”

 

Before he can even finish his sentence, he hears a squeal of joy behind him. The door to Jun’s room flies open and Jun suddenly clings to his neck, making them both drop to the floor. Apparently he heard their whole talk. Sho blushes and tries to say something, but Jun doesn’t let him, basically cuddling him like he is some sort of comfortable pillow. Sho just manages to breath out a “calling you later,” towards Ohno, ignoring the way Ohno laughs suggestively, before he puts the phone aside.

 

Sho turns his attention towards Jun. “So you are talking to me again?” he asks teasingly.

 

Jun pulls his eyebrows up, a smirk appearing on his face before he suddenly lets his fingers wander down Sho’s sides… and pokes him. “Stop it,” Sho squeals. “That’s not fair!”

 

He wants to sound mad but can’t. He just has to laugh at this whole silly situation. He hasn’t had so much fun since years. For a moment he looks up, meeting Jun’s eyes all of a sudden. They are so deep, so beautiful in this moment as Jun obviously doesn’t think of his issues right now. He is distracted, and his eyes are more open. Sho feels weirdly drawn to them, reaching out his hand and touching Jun’s cheek. He can only look at Jun now, and he just wishes he could pull him into his arms for real and hold him tight and…

 

No, Sho shakes his head and pulls his hand away from Jun’s cheek. He doesn’t want to force anything on Jun. It wouldn’t be right to make a step at him.

 

Sho’s eyes widen in horror all of a sudden. Wait… Did he really just think that? Does he really want to approach Jun?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun meets someone who might know him or someone close to him.

Jun looked a bit sad all of a sudden, right after they messed around. Weird, he seemed to be genuinely happy first, hugging Sho for letting him work for Aiba, and then when he touched him he suddenly looked sad. Sho sighs slightly, well, maybe he suddenly remembered something or he got reminded of the situation he is in.

 

Sho sighs again, turning to the side and eyeing the wall in front of him. It’s dark but he can still see silhouettes of his surroundings, he has never liked it to sleep in a pitch-black bedroom.

 

Why did he touch Jun? Why did he touch his cheek? He is so unbelievably stupid. Now Jun probably thinks he has lost it and wants to make a move on him, take advantage of his weak situation. Maybe that’s why he looked so sad and-

 

He hears Jun yell all of a sudden.

 

Sho is up his feet immediately, hurrying out of his room and pressing the alarm button they got from Nagase immediately. When he rips the door to Jun’s room open, the latter is sitting in his bed, eyes widened and looking horrified.

 

“Jun-kun,” Sho says softly. “What happened?” A look at Jun’s embarrassed expression tells him he probably had a bad dream.

 

He hears footsteps behind him, noticing that Shun already comes to their aid. Good to know that they are so fast. In case something truly bad happens, they will be safe. Sho turns around, smiling apologetically. “I’m sorry, it was a false alarm.”

 

Shun lets out a relieved sigh. “Better a false alarm than a real one,” he says. “And it’s good that you are careful. No need to apologize.”

 

Sho smiles warmly at these kind words. “Thank you, Shun-san, please let me make this up to you and also thank you for your hard work by inviting you for dinner on Sunday.” Shun wants to decline immediately, but Sho beats him to it. “We really would like to have you around more. It’s also good for us, you know?” he says and winks. Shun chuckles slightly, and nods.

 

Sho feels content with how this turned out. To be honest, he feels like Jun can need a friend or someone he can get close to and talk with. Aiba, Ohno and Nino are Sho’s friends and although they are opening up to Jun now, it’s still difficult for Jun to talk to them. With Shun he might be able to find a friend though.

 

Once Shun is away, Sho approaches Jun carefully. “You had a bad dream?” he asks softly.

 

Jun rubs his head in embarrassment. He takes his notebook. _I… don’t know._

 

“You mean, you don’t know if you dreamed something or if it’s actually your memory?” Sho asks, trying to sound as soothing as possible. He sits down at the edge of Jun’s bed. “What did you dream?”

 

_I was with someone. A man._

 

“Did you see his face?” Sho wants to know.

 

Jun shakes his head.

 

“Was it someone you love?”

 

Again Jun shakes his head. _I felt scared._

 

To Sho’s horror there seem to be tears brimming in his eyes suddenly. Shit! He is seriously bad with people crying in front of him, like horribly bad! He doesn’t know what to say or do then when someone cries, and how to comfort this person. Sho does the best he can do now and just clumsily wraps an arm around Jun’s shoulder and pats his head with his free hand.

 

Jun chuckles all of a sudden. _Thank you._ Sho blushes slightly when he reads Jun’s note. He sucks so bad at comforting someone, still Jun thanks him for his weak and hopeless attempt.

 

After a while he goes back to his room, so that they both can get some sleep, much to his surprise it only takes ten minutes until the door to his room gets opened slightly. Sho sits up again. “Jun-kun?”

 

Jun nods and Sho switches on his light to be able to read Jun’s note. _Can’t sleep. Is it okay…?_

 

For a while Sho wonders what Jun means. What is okay? Then it dawns on him, and he chuckles. How cute. “Yes, but I warn you, I snore.”

 

Jun smiles. _That’s okay._

 

“You know,” Sho says when Jun lies down next to him. “I sometimes have a nightmare too. And I’m not sure if it’s my memories then or my fears or simply a dream. Maybe it’s a mix out of all of these aspects.” Jun nods, signalling him that he listens. “I’ve lost someone once,” Sho admits.

 

_So that’s why you are so kind and help me?_

 

Sho shrugs. “Maybe.” He is not sure if that’s the entire truth though. Sure, when he found Jun, he did think about his past and about not letting this chance slip, but it’s not the reason why he continues to be kind to Jun. “It’s not the only reason though. You are touching something deep inside me,” he says with a soft smile. “It’s like I lost something and you brought it back.”

 

Jun seems to need a while to process his words, then he nods though, a wary smile on his lips.

 

~~~

 

 

Aiba’s mouth drops open when he eyes the breakfast in front of Sho. There are five layers of matcha-pancakes in front of him, with whipped cream and freshly made sauce out of berries, with a few drops of caramel. Then there is a freshly made Turkish coffee with a few marshmallows in the cup.

 

 _Sho-san likes his coffee strong,_ Jun explains by showing Aiba his notebook. _And sweet._

 

Aiba nods like in a daze, eyeing Sho in surprise. “You lucky idiot,” he mumbles. “Just watch out you won’t get too chubby.”

 

Sho bites into his pancakes with joy, grinning brightly. “Jealous?”

 

“So he can cook?” Aiba says when Jun disappears into the kitchen to wash some dishes.

 

Sho nods. “He found out a while ago when he instinctively shoved me out of the kitchen. He decides he wants to cook from now on.”

 

Aiba blinks, eyeing the kitchen door thoughtfully, before he bends forward a bit. “Don’t get mad now at me for asking,” he whispers. “But… do you believe him?”

 

Sho sighs. He has asked himself the same question over and over again. Does he believe Jun? Does he believe he can’t speak or doesn’t know anything? The doctors said it could be a traumatic reaction, yes, but can it really be that strong? It’s just… “There is no lie in his eyes,” he whispers back. “I’m not sure if it makes sense, but sometimes his face is so open, and he looks frustrated and desperate then. So, yes, I believe him. I don’t know yet if he is a victim though. Does that make sense?”

 

“It does!” Aiba smiles happily. “I believe him too,” he chirps. Sho is inclined to feel relieved, but Aiba has always been cursed by an unbelievably good heart and he would have faith in almost everyone. For now Sho can only believe in his instincts.

 

And his instincts tell him that Jun is desperately searching for who he is, but scared to do so at the same time. What will the truth tell him? It has to be a crushing thought when you don’t even know if you are the good or the bad guy.

 

He is well aware of Jun’s doubts and fears and worries, though they never talk about it and though he never asks Jun directly, but it is there, clearly in Jun’s mysterious and melancholic eyes. He doesn’t know why, but somehow he feels like he is being able to read in them. Ohno told him jokingly that he was nuts and maybe he is. Maybe Jun is some sort of serial killer, maybe he was part of the yakuza… he doesn’t know one tiny bit about the person he is living with, hence Ohno is right, he might be insane. But every time he looks into Jun’s affectionate and trustful eyes, this look he is only showing him and no one else, he can’t let him go. It is impossible. Jun is his responsibility. Maybe he was part of something bad once, but now he isn’t. The Jun in front of him is so innocent and sweet, it’s impossible for Sho not to believe in him.

 

“You know, he is really talented with making the guests at my bar loosen up and have fun,” Aiba points out happily. “So glad you found him! Don’t hesitate and find more guys and bring them to me.”

 

Jun comes back right at this moment, hearing what Aiba says. He blushes and shakes his head at the same time. Aiba chuckles. “Sho shouldn’t find anymore guys, right?” he asks, winking slightly at Jun.

 

Sho doesn’t quite understand what Aiba means by that, he also doesn’t understand why Jun blushes even more at his words. He forgets about it when Jun presents him a plate with freshly made omelette. It’s so freaking good~

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

The police have considered it as dangerous to put Jun’s face in the newspapers or to search for his identity directly. After all no one knows where he came from, what he did, or what someone else did to him. The uncertainty of his being and his life makes Jun sleep restless at night, catching away the peaceful hours he should have when he goes to bed. Because what if he isn’t all that much of a good person? What kind of things did he do previously? Maybe he was a bad person, and just because he is kind now doesn’t mean he was the same before. Thoughts like this drive Jun nuts, and it doesn’t help much that he constantly dreams of how he lies in someone else’s arms, and not in a romantic way at all. He doesn’t lie in this person’s arms to cuddle, they are having sex. He just can’t see the other’s face, and on top of that he freaking feels nothing.

 

First he thought it’s because he isn’t sure if it’s a memory or not, but sometimes he sees glimpses of _something_. Like this sign with the golden capital letters which gives him an uncomfortable feeling. And sometimes he is with someone in bed he feels scared of. And then his panic whenever he steps in a hospital.

 

The fact that he feels nothing when he has sex with someone is truly unsettling.

 

“You really are great at this job,” Aiba chirps while he accompanies him home. Everyone, except for himself, agreed that it would be safer for him not to go home alone. Hence Aiba, Sho or one of the other guys always accompanies him.

 

Jun uses his phone to type. He bought it with the first salary Aiba paid him. Actually Sho wanted to buy one for him, but it would feel so wrong to take even more of his kindness and money. _You think so?_

 

“Yes,” Aiba chirps. “Maybe you’d like to try mixing some cocktails the next time? I’ll show you. I think you could do it.”

 

Jun’s head perks up. He can really do something useful for Aiba? _You really think so?_

 

“It’s not that difficult, Jun-kun,” Aiba giggles. “You pretend like it’s something major to do. We are not going to save the world through our cocktails, you know?”

 

_I’m just so happy I can help!_

 

Aiba smiles at him and grabs his arm. He has a pair of the kindest eyes ever. “You are a nice guy,” he says softly. “I didn’t hire you out of pity, you know? I hired you because you were doing a great job and I need you. I just want you to know that.”

 

Jun feels his heart making a happy jump. A huge one to be honest, he feels so relieved and thankful all of a sudden that he wraps his arms around Aiba’s arm and squeezes it. He doesn’t know how else to show his feelings, he has still not regathered his voice.

 

Aiba seems to be flustered and happy too, because he pats his head. “Sho found himself a sweet puppy,” he jokes. “I want one too.”

 

Jun grins. _Sorry, I’m unique._

 

Aiba laughs. “You are,” he admits. “You are unique. Sho will sooner or later realize it too. So don’t worry.”

 

Jun blushes furiously, is it so obvious? That he likes Sho? That he would do anything to earn himself Sho’s love and respect? He doesn’t even know when it happened but from the first moment on he felt drawn to Sho because of his kindness and of his warmth and of the way he takes Jun seriously. He acts like there is nothing wrong with Jun, like Jun isn’t broken or anything, like he is good the way he is.

 

To hide his embarrassment Jun falls behind a bit, pretending to tie his loose shoelaces when he suddenly hears a voice behind him. “Yuki!”

 

Jun blinks for a moment, then shrugs. He is not Yuki, he is Jun, and still somehow he feels drawn to the voice. To his shock the voice doesn’t go away, instead he can feel a guy approaching him and patting his shoulder. “Yuki, is it you!?”

 

Jun blinks in surprise, staring at the guy in wonder. He has light brown hair, pretty, strong features. He takes his phone. _I’m sorry. Who are you?_

 

The guy laughs for a moment, but when Jun continues to blink at him, he gets earnest. “But… you aren’t Yuki?”

 

Jun shakes his head. _Never heard the name before._

 

“You can’t talk?”

 

Jun nods. _Sorry, I can only communicate like this._

 

The guy stares at him in surprise, a look of mere wonder reflecting in his eyes. “You look like his spitting image,” he stutters. “Just… your whole aura is different. Maybe… I mean, maybe you are his doppelganger.”

 

_I’m sorry, I don’t know this Yuki._

 

The guy nods and bows slightly. “My name is Toma,” he says. Before Jun can even react, he hands him a card with his contacts. “I don’t know where Yuki is,” he says. “Please contact me when you see someone resembling you, okay?”

 

Jun nods warily, watching how the guy smiles at him and leaves. He should probably throw the paper away and never contact this person, because… how high is the chance that he is really the doppelganger of someone? Jun’s heart starts beating. This Toma probably has a few answers for him. Jun carefully hides the paper in his pocket and heads towards Aiba, who is waiting for him.

 

“Who was that?” Aiba asks curiously.

 

For a moment Jun is inclined to tell him the truth, then however he just smiles. _Someone who was asking for the right way. Not that I was a great help though._

 

“I see.” Aiba smiles and nods and for an instant Jun feels bad for lying at him, but then… he doesn’t want to drag anyone into this and it’s not like he is going to do something dangerous. He is just going to meet this Toma guy.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sho and Jun get closer. Meanwhile Sho and his friend get into an argument. And Jun still wonders if he should meet Toma.

Jun and Sho cook together, which basically means that Jun prevents Sho from doing anything and only hands him the less important tasks. He can cut an onion without ruining the food, can he? While this might be true Jun soon realizes that Sho indeed won’t ruin the food, but unfortunately himself.

 

“Oh,” Sho makes in surprise and holds his finger up in the air. He chuckles. “I’m such a fool.”

 

Jun blinks, not really irritated or worried first until he sees the trail of blood, running down Sho’s finger. Oh my god! Jun lets out a panicked sound, whishing more than anytime else to be able to talk, because damn it, how hurt is Sho? Is it just a tiny cut or…? Jun drops everything and hurries to Sho’s side, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the sink to clean the wound and check on it.

 

“It’s alright, Jun-kun,” Sho says with a smile.

 

Jun just throws him a deathly glare to make him shut up and Sho smiles apologetically. With deft fingers Jun wraps a towel around Sho’s finger to dry the blood.

 

“It’s really not necessary,” Sho says, but before he can continue, Jun smacks him slightly, frowning. “Okay, okay,” Sho finally gives in. “Do as you please.”

 

Jun nods approvingly, grabbing Sho’s wrist and pulling him to the living room. He first makes him sit down there, then goes to retrieve the first aid kit from the bathroom, before joining Sho on the soft carpet on the floor.

 

The cut on Sho’s finger is gladly not too deep, but judging by how he is a catastrophe in the kitchen, he should better stay away from sharp objects there. Maybe he can… set the table? And leave the knives for Jun to put on the table? But then, if he broke some of the plates, it could be dangerous too. Everything that contains work with a knife is off-limits now too, hence he can’t cut vegetables or meat, and Jun doesn’t want him anywhere close to a hot pan too. Makes things difficult.

 

Sho chuckles all of a sudden, touching Jun’s cheek softly. “I wonder where you are with your thoughts?”

 

The touch feels so good that Jun leans into it, putting his own hand on Sho’s. It’s just been an instinctive reaction and he is shocked himself that he suddenly was so daring, but gladly Sho doesn’t pull his hand away, he also doesn’t seem to be angry at him for taking things too far. Hence Jun stays that way. He doesn’t dare to move, just waits, until Sho carefully moves his thumb over his cheek. Jun smiles and when Sho tilts his head and leans forward, he happily takes the invitation and meets his lips halfway. Jun feels his heart almost burst when he feels the soft texture of Sho’s lips. He hasn’t expected that they would share a kiss at all, ever, and now he has difficulties controlling the frantic beat of his heart.

 

The magic only lasts a few seconds though because suddenly Sho pulls away, eyes widened in shock. “I’m so sorry!”

 

EH… why? Jun blinks in confusion.

 

“You probably think I’m taking advantage of you, I’m sorry,” Sho says, grabs the first aid kit and gets up to put it away.

 

Jun blushes both in anger and in disappointment. He could of course scribble something in his notebook, but what the hell should he write? He wishes he would be able to say that Sho didn’t take advantage of him, that he just wants to continue kissing him. But without words it’s impossible and he will never be able to write down his sentiments properly. A written word is always something else. Jun fights back the urge to cuddles against his pillow and cry like a little kid. He can’t help it, Sho probably doesn’t like him enough. There is no need to whine, and sulk. He should be thankful that Sho is giving him a place to live after all.

 

 

~~~

 

 

“So did you already get him into your bed?”

 

Sho looks up from his drink in horror. “What?” He is meeting with his friends in the bar, while Jun works there. Aiba has messaged him to come as fast as possible because Jun is swinging his pretty butt and the tips are just flying around. When Sho arrived, panicked that Jun might be doing a go-go dance, Jun wasn’t swinging anything except a plate with glasses and was sporting a polite smile. He looks hot though. When he brings them their drinks, he blushes when he looks at Sho.

 

Damn it, so he feels uncomfortable. He knew it. Kissing him was such a bad idea. Not that it wasn’t wonderful to do it, but to make an approach on a mentally unstable person…ugh… bad.

 

Ohno and Nino crack up. “What do you mean with _what_?” Nino points out.

 

Sho frowns, emptying a shot with tequila. “I still don’t get it.”

 

“Really?” Aiba blinks. “Or are you just playing dumb?”

 

“I’ll enlighten you,” Ohno offers cheerfully. He has drunk enough not to mind Aiba’s hand moving over his thigh teasingly. “You think Jun-kun is hot.”

 

“Exactly,” Nino agrees. “Hence why we asked you if you got him into bed already.”

 

“It’s not…” Sho furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t want to get him into bed! What are you thinking!?”

 

“Is it so bad to find him hot?” Nino asks in surprise.

 

“No,” Sho huffs, because yes, he is hot. “It’s just that you assume that I’m just helping him out because I want to get him into my bed.”

 

Ohno seems to sober up all of a sudden. “Sho-kun,” he says softly. “No one thinks you are taking advantage him. It’s just that you haven’t had anyone at your side for long, and he is here with you and nice, and obviously likes you and-“

 

“Just shut up,” Sho huffs angrily. “Leave me alone!”

 

Well, as they are in Aiba’s bar the others can’t possibly leave him alone. _He_ has to leave. When he is about to do so, already getting out of the door, he can feel a warm hand wrapping around his wrist. He believes it’s Nino or Aiba, and spins around. “What!?” he hisses angrily, just to look into Jun’s dark eyes.

 

Jun lets go of his wrist immediately, looking like he just touched a hot iron.

 

“No, sorry,” Sho stutters. “I didn’t know it was you. I didn’t mean to yell at you!” Jun still looks at him sceptically, but when Sho smiles at him softly, he seems to relax. “I thought it was Nino or Aiba-kun.”

 

Jun tilts his head, a cute frown gracing his face now. He takes his phone out, typing something. _Did you guys fight?_

 

“A bit,” Sho admits. He doesn’t know why he is so honest with Jun most of the time. Maybe because Jun doesn’t talk, and when you can only use a minimum of words, you need to focus on what’s important, or you will never be able to lead a conversation.

 

_Why?_

 

“They said something that upset me,” Sho says warily.

 

_What did they say?_

 

“I…” No way! He can’t tell it Jun. “It’s not that important.”

 

Jun looks at the ground. _It’s about me, right?_ Sho wants to shake his head, but Jun ignores him, typing again. _I’m messing up your life, I’m sorry._

_I shouldn’t rely on your kindness all the time._

 

Jun looks sad. _And I’m blocking your apartment since weeks. You can’t even take someone along. I’m always there._

 

“Jun…”

 

_I’m so sorry. If you don’t want to have me around, I can always leave. I can…_

 

Sho grabs his hand to stop him from typing. “No,” he says. “All of it is wrong. You are wrong,” he just can’t emphasize it enough.

 

Jun looks at him in confusion.

 

“Don’t leave me,” Sho says softly because he has no idea what else to say. “Stay with me. I like to have you around.”

 

To his surprise Jun blushes slightly, and nods.

 

“Are you working long today?” Sho asks carefully.

 

Jun smiles and shakes his head. He shows Sho his phone again. _Half an hour more._

 

“Should I wait for you? We could go home together,” Sho offers, because he doesn’t want to push Jun into anything by telling him he wants to stay and wait for him. To his relief Jun shows him a beautiful smile and nods.

 

It doesn’t take long for Jun to wrap up his work and head outside to Sho. He is panting when he reaches him, cheeks flushed slightly, and Sho can’t hold back a soft smile at how beautiful and young he suddenly looks.

 

He chuckles slightly when Jun grabs his arm and pulls him along. It’s a warm night, well, at least warmer than usual, and after they walked a few minutes Sho can suddenly see big white snowflakes falling down on them. Beautiful crystals.

 

Jun reaches out his hands and lets the snowflakes fall on his palm. He smiles at Sho, and Sho knows what he wants to tell him even without words. “Yes, Jun-kun, it’s beautiful, I agree.” Sho decides for once to just go along with Jun’s mood and be happy without overthinking it. “Shall we extend our walk?” he offers.

 

Jun nods in agreement, a sweet smile gracing his lips.

 

Later that night after they built a snowman and threw snowballs at each other and had tons of fun, Jun decides he wants to buy something from the konbini and Sho gives him the room to do it himself. He knows nothing can happen because Shun is watching out for him and he wants to show Jun that he is able to do things without being controlled by Sho’s presence.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun feels guilty, he really does, because he hasn’t told Sho anything, but he needs to do this. When he is in the konbini, he angles for his phone and types a message to the number Toma gave him.

 

_Toma-san, you know someone who looks like me?_

 

The answers comes surprising fast. Jun is just about to pay for his bag with cashew nuts and for his and Sho’s bento box when his phone beeps. _Yes, his name was Yuki though. Looked exactly like you, just his aura was colder._

_What do you mean?_

 

_He was detached most of the time. I can tell you more about him, if you want to? Maybe it’s a relative! And you didn’t know he exists._

 

Jun bites his nails nervously, then he nods inwardly. _Okay, shall we meet? Maybe tomorrow?_

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sho hears the sound of the elevator opening its doors and soon sees Jun with a little bag in his hands. “Got everything?” he asks him. Jun nods, and smiles, but it’s a nervous smile, almost like he got scared before. “Is everything alright?” Sho asks in sudden worry. He gets up from his comfortable place on his sofa and walks to Jun, rubbing his hands over his arms.

 

Jun smiles a bit and nods. He takes his notebook and scribbles something down on it. _Just tired and hungry._

 

“Do you want to go to bed?”

 

_No, I need to eat something first._

Sho nods and chuckles. “Then take your food and go to the sofa. I’ll make you a cup with tea.” When Jun is about to scribble something, Sho shakes his head. “No discussion,” he says and shoves Jun towards the sofa. “You worked the whole evening, now go and rest. I’ll make you some tea, and I think I’m still having chocolate around.”

 

Jun smiles warmly and nods, before he wraps his arms around Sho’s arms all of a sudden. He lets go immediately though and blushes slightly, before he hurries to the living room. Sho chuckles.

When he is in the kitchen he realizes that he has received messages from all his friends, apologizing for their talk in the bar. Of course Sho forgives them instantly. With Ohno however he chats a bit longer, while he prepares the tea.

 

 _“We didn’t mean that you are looking out for him just to have sex with him,”_ Ohno writes him. _“I just wish for you to be happy, you know? And if Jun makes you happy, then that’s fine too.”_

_“Last time you said I can’t be sure if he is serial killer.”_ Sho argues with a smile, but doesn’t argue against Ohno’s words anymore.

 

He can almost imagine Ohno’s smile. _True, but he is a good guy. I’m sure he isn’t bad. Still be careful, we don’t know his surroundings and who is after him. But…”_

_“But?”_ Sho wants to know.

 

_Being careful should not stop you from letting him into your heart. As I said, I believe he is a good guy, we like him. Once he will remember everything, he might need someone to catch him though. When this time comes, it will be of advantage if you know what you want from him._

 

Sho sighs slightly when he closes his messenger and attends to the now finished tea. What he wants from Jun? He knows what he feels. He likes him. He has had a relationship before, when he was young and tried to save his friend, but he couldn’t do it. Did he love him? Probably, yes, he was crushed when he left. But with Jun it’s different. He wants to protect Jun and hold him, and never let him go. After all fate basically spit him right on the street in front of his feet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun meets Toma and has a breakdown. Jun and Sho get closer. And in the end Jun's memory gets suddenly triggered by an unexpected person!

Jun eyes his watch nervously. He hasn’t told Sho or Shun that he is going to meet someone, he just said he was going to fetch himself a coffee. Sho apparently doesn’t want him to feel cornered or locked in, so he easily agreed to him going out for an hour. Besides nothing really happened up to now, so, all of them are rather relaxed.

 

Jun isn’t relaxed though, not because he is afraid that someone is after him, but rather because he is afraid of what Toma might tell him. He said, he looks like a certain Yuki. So, maybe his real name is Yuki? Maybe he is this guy? Or does he have some sort of doppelganger? A twin? He doesn’t know why, but something inside him twitches nervously, and it’s like his feeling tells him that Toma might be able to give him important information.

 

Before he can worry further he can see Toma’s auburn hair, and soon he is approaching him in the hidden corner Jun chose their table at - in case someone he knows from his new life walks by the café. He isn’t on display that way. “Sorry, I’m late,” Toma grins.

 

Jun shakes his head. He has prepared his notebook and a pen and scribbles into it immediately. _No problem._

 

Toma looks at him in surprise. “You really can’t talk?”

 

Jun nods. _Sorry._

 

“Yuki could,” Toma points out.

 

Jun nods tentatively, deciding not to tell Toma that his loss of voice is from a mental trauma and not physical. _Do we really look the same?_

 

“You could be twins,” Toma points out. When the waitress comes, he orders black coffee. “For my skin,” he explains when Jun looks at his beverage sceptically. “It’s better. And they like me with good skin.”

 

Jun blinks. _They?_

 

Toma looks confused for a moment, then he looks to the side, almost embarrassed. “Sorry, I forgot you are not him. I… it’s not important.”

 

It probably is, but Jun decides he needs to work with what Toma is going to give him on his own. _Did you work together?_

 

“You could say that,” Toma says warily.

 

_Were you friends?_

 

“Well,” Toma tilts his head. “I… I’m not sure. Maybe more like brothers in arms. Or colleagues. Something like that. But I knew him since a long time.”

 

_When did he disappear?_

 

“Three months ago,” Toma points out. “I’ve been looking for him everywhere, but couldn’t find him. Then I saw you, and you look like his spitting image, but…”

 

He looked for him? Didn’t he say they aren’t friends? Why would he be worried for him if they aren’t? _But?_

 

“To be honest, I don’t even know what to think,” Toma admits, and all of a sudden he looks nervous and even a bit sad. “You are his spitting image, but you are so different. Yuki was a lot colder, more detached from everything. Stoic almost. He was our number one.”

 

_Number one?_

 

Toma chuckles. “Let’s save that for when we meet again.” He pauses. “If we meet again.”

 

Jun isn’t so sure about that either, because he doesn’t know if he actually wants to meet Toma again or not. He scares him, and what he knows and is still hiding scares him. But then it seems like he at least can help Jun find answers and-

 

Toma laughs and throws a tiny ball out of his tissue at Jun’s forehead. “You are dozing off,” he jokes light-heartedly, and with a smile that’s different to what Toma showed him up to now.

 

Jun closes his eyes, shocked by the sudden flashes of memory that wash over him. He sees himself in a tiny room, cooking. And someone at his side, cutting vegetables. There are voices, they talk, but he can’t quite grasp what they say. And there is the yellow sign again, the one he already saw once.

 

He forces his eyes to open, and tries to smile. _Sorry. I was lost in my thoughts._ He hides his hands under the table to not show how much they are shaking. He knows him. He knows Toma. He was the one cutting vegetables.

 

Which can only mean… He is Yuki. But who the hell _is_ Yuki?

 

 _If you want to meet again, it’s okay for me._ He offers, because he has to. It’s the only connection to his so-said old life he has.

 

Toma smiles slightly and nods. There is more Jun wants to ask, but a look at his watch tells him he should head back. Sho will wonder where he is if he stays too long, and to be honest, he has had enough information to take in for one day. When they get up, Jun insists with hand gestures that he is going to pay and Toma’s eyes widen. “Thank you, Jun-san,” he says with a bow. “You are nice. Another thing that’s different between you and Yuki.”

 

 _He wasn’t nice?_ Jun wants to know, and to his surprise he feels his stomach clench slightly. Was he a mean person before?

 

Toma snorts. “Not really,” he mumbles. “Pretty arrogant dude. We never got along that well.”

 

It gives another stitch to his stomach. Toma seems to be nice enough, but apparently Yuki, the person Jun was before, was too mean for him to like.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun’s head spins, and something inside him pulls and tugs at him like he ate something wrong. He held it together during his talk with Toma when he remembered a bit of his past, and now he tries to hold it together a bit longer.

 

When he comes back, Sho sits over some books, studying them thoroughly. He is sometimes working from home, which is nice actually. He looks up now. “Jun-kun,” he says, and much to Jun’s surprise he sounds happy. “You are back.”

 

Jun nods and tries to return the smile. He hands Sho a cup with hot coffee.

 

“You brought one for me too,” Sho smiles happily, and sniffs at it. “With marshmallow topping and chocolate,” he chuckles. “You know I like it sweet?”

 

Of course Jun knows. He knows everything Sho likes, or almost everything. Cooking for him is the only fun thing he is doing at the moment. This and working at Aiba’s bar. Sometimes he is glad that he can’t talk with Sho, because he is sure his voice would have sounded strained today, on the other hand it’s so frustrating not to voice something, and not to say something out directly. He can’t even react. A reaction is supposed to come fast and not five minutes later after he scribbled it down.

 

“Hey, Jun-kun,” Sho looks up. “I’m going out to get us something to eat okay? Nagase-kun told me about this restaurant around the corner with awesome Italian food. Would you like us to try it?”

 

Italian? Like pasta? Jun nods, smiling slightly. To be honest, he is relieved to no ends that Sho is going out to get them some food, because it gives him half an hour to recover. When the door falls close behind Sho, Jun finally lets his nerves loose, his body starting to tremble while tears fill his eye.

 

He is Yuki.

 

Yuki was a bad person. Toma didn’t like him, although Toma seems to be nice.

 

He worked in a place with a yellow sign attached to it. A yellow blinking sign.

 

Jun feels sick all of a sudden. He hurries to the toilet, bending over and throwing up. He does barely register how long he stays there, but eventually he flushes and cleans his mouth before he sits down on the ground, feeling exhausted and strained like he just ran for a whole week.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sho bought a pretty huge amount of everything the restaurant had to offer. Pasta and weirdly shaped noodles, with all kind of sauces. 80% of it he can’t even pronounce correctly, and he doesn’t quite understand the ingredients either. Then he bought risotto, some antipasti, and even an original pizza. He went a bit overboard, but he is sure they will manage to eat most of it, and if not they can have the rest of it tomorrow.

 

When he comes into the apartment, he knows immediately that something is off. There is no proof, just a chair that got tilted over. But something feels wrong. “Jun?” he calls out, rolling his eyes at himself because he knows Jun can’t answer.

 

He puts the food on the table and hurries through the apartment. The living room is empty, the bedroom too, also Jun’s bedroom which he hardly uses anymore is empty. “Jun!?”

 

The kitchen… empty. Sho’s heart races. Did Jun disappear? Just went away silently? Disappear in the same mysterious way he appeared. He keeps calling his name, but Jun doesn’t appear.

 

Sho is about to grab his phone and panic-call Ohno or Aiba or Nino or anyone, when he sees light coming through the bathroom. He puts the phone aside and carefully opens the door, eyes widening when he sees Jun’s hunched over figure, leaning against the wall.

 

“Jun?” he asks in shock. “Is everything alright?”

 

Jun doesn’t answer, but his body seems to shake. He has buried his head in his knees and doesn’t even seem to hear Sho calling his name. Sho gets down on his knees and robs closer to Jun, until he is next to him. “Jun,” he says softly, touching his shoulder. Jun looks up shortly, eyes red from crying. “What happened?” Sho asks softly.

 

He just shakes his head and turns away. When Sho tries to force the notebook on him to make him answer him, Jun successfully ignores him. He puts it aside, and wraps his arm around Jun’s shoulder to pull him closer, relieved that Jun leans into his hug. “Tell me what happened,” he says softly. “Please.”

 

When there is no reaction, Sho sighs slightly, wondering how he should make him listen when a sudden idea strikes him. He takes Jun’s hand into is, opening it and turning it so that he looks at his palm. He slowly moves his finger over it. _Don’t cry._

 

Jun looks up in surprise.

 

 _Don’t give up._ Sho continues to write on Jun’s palm with his finger. _Talk to me._

 

Jun’s lips quiver but to Sho’s relief he takes Sho’s hand now, and moves his finger over the skin. Sho concentrates to understand what he writes. _I’m afraid of who I am._

 

“You found something about yourself today?” Sho asks softly.

 

Jun nods.

 

“You are scared of it?”

 

Again a nod.

 

Jun takes his notebook now. _I can’t remember much, just glimpses. But it’s so… I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to remember. What if I was a bad person? Something is fishy, Sho-san. I know it. You know it._

 

Yes, Sho thinks, they both know it. He takes the pen from Jun’s hand and scribbles in his notebook. Something inside him tells him that leading this conversation without spoken words will make Jun feel more comfortable, will give him a better feeling of closeness and trust. _What if I don’t mind?_

Jun looks at him doubtfully.

Sho smiles. _You are here, and you are you. Even if you were a bad person before, you are good now. It doesn’t change who you are now. But you won’t be able to move forward when you try to block your past._

 

Jun blinks. _You think I can’t remember because I don’t want to?_

 

Sho nods. _Subconsciously. I asked Nino if it’s possible, he said yes._

 

Jun tilts his head, obviously trying to digest the information. _I’m scared that you will send me away once we find out the truth._

 

Sho smiles and wraps his arms around Jun again, pulling him closer until Jun’s back rests against his chest. He takes Jun’s hand, pulling it back and placing a kiss on it. Then he moves his fingers over Jun’s palm. _I’m not going to send you away. I want you to stay._

Jun turns his head to look back at Sho, and when Sho nods reassuringly, he smiles slightly. “Don’t be afraid,” Sho mumbles into Jun’s hair. “I’ll be there for you.”

 

~~~

 

 

“The old man needs more clothes.” With this announcement Aiba has basically raved Sho’s apartment and grabbed Jun’s arm. “You need to help,” he adds, staring up at Jun with huge puppy eyes.

 

 _Shopping?_ Jun scribbles. _And who is the old man?_

 

Aiba grins. “My boyfriend,” he explains randomly. “He can’t even buy proper socks on his own.” Jun can’t help a giggle. So, Ohno is helpless when it’s about shopping.

 

“Wait a moment,” Sho interrupts Aiba’s chatting. “Isn’t it a bit dangerous to go out for so long?”

 

Jun sighs slightly. He knows Sho is right. It’s okay to go out for a swift coffee or go to the bar for work, or even go with Sho to one of the restaurants around the corner. But a shopping spree actually means visiting lots of shops, for hours.

 

Aiba smiles. “I will watch out for us.”

 

Sho frowns. Obviously Aiba’s promise didn’t relieve his worries. To Jun’s utmost relief and surprise though another figure appears. “Excuse me,” Shun says with a smile. “I’m here to act as Jun-san’s bodyguard anyway. I could accompany them.”

 

Sho looks at Shun first, then at Aiba’s expectant look. Jun himself tries not to put too much pressure on him, although he wants to go, but he has learned to understand Sho’s worries, because they are his own. “Okay,” Sho chuckles. “But please be careful, and keep me updated, and…” he pauses, blushing slightly. “Just write me a message here and there, so that I’ll know you are alright, okay Jun?”

 

Jun nods happily, and when the others are busy with putting on their shoes he grabs Sho’s hand and squeezes it. “I know,” Sho smiles softly. “You’ll be careful. I trust you. I’m just a worrisome busybody.”

 

Jun chuckles and swiftly writes into his notebook. _I like you that way. You are sweet when you worry about me. I think in my previous life no one really did._

 

Sho blushes slightly and nods. “Just have fun, you cute idiot” he says with a hoarse voice.

 

They actually have fun, much to Jun’s surprise. He originally was just happy to be able to go out for a bit, like a totally normal person, like he hadn’t lost his memory and wasn’t haunted by weird dreams and by his awful former self. It’s not like the time when he wanted to do something, to be useful, and he was upset when Sho was against him working at Aiba’s bar first. This here is different. For a few hours he can pretend to be normal.

 

“Do you think this would suit Oh-chan?” Aiba asks with a frown while he holds up a blue shirt.

 

Jun nods, but points at the same shirt in a lighter blue. Aiba grins. “Yep, that one is better. Don’t you think so too, Shun-san?”

 

Shun yawns slightly, but nods. He is holding up surprisingly well, and he is patient.

 

 _This is not your type of thing, right?_ Jun asks via his phone.

 

Shun chuckles. “Not really. You know, I rather enjoy doing some sport or cooking.”

 

 _You like cooking?_ Jun asks in surprise.

 

“Yes,” Shun smiles. “My favourite dish is pasta.”

 

_Mine too!_

 

“Is that so?” he grins brightly. “I also like lasagne. What else do you like? Aside from shopping?”

 

Jun chuckles. _I like things that have something to do with the house. You know, like keeping things clean and buying home supplies, and decoration, and making things pretty, and so._

 

Shun raises his eyebrows. “I like interior stuff too. It’s the only kind of shopping I like. Recently I am totally into handcraft too. You can make awesome stuff with DIY videos on YouTube.”

 

 _Really?_ Jun’s interest is awakened immediately. He could do something nice for Sho’s apartment.

 

His interest must have shown because Shun smiles. “I can send you some links, if you want to.”

 

Jun nods eagerly. He wants to ask more because it’s just amazing how similar he and Shun seem to be. Almost like they could be friends. It makes Jun feel almost good, because it means he can find a friend on his own too, not only rely on Sho’s friends. Before he can continue his conversation with Shun Aiba demands his assistance again, and Jun hurries to his help. The next discussion that’s going on between them is about how Ohno would look in red pants.

 

They are running around since hours already, but Aiba doesn’t seem to get tired easily, and Jun doesn’t mind. He meanwhile makes tons of photos and sends them to Sho whenever the others aren’t watching, smiling happily whenever he gets an answer.

 

Sho is so kind. And whenever Jun thinks of him his heart beats faster. They shared this moment in the bathroom, and today when they held hands. Is it really okay to hope?

 

Jun doesn’t have much time to think though because Nino joins them now, not for shopping but for a late lunch.

 

“You finished your shopping tour, didn’t you?” Nino asks with a grin. “Because the last thing I want is to go power-shopping with you guys.”

 

Jun chuckles and types on his phone. _We are finished._

 

“Awesome,” Nino sighs in relief. “Food?”

 

Jun nods, while Aiba claps his hands. “Any good restaurants around?”

 

“I know one,” Shun intervenes all of a sudden. “It’s right around the corner and not one of these crowded fast food mall restaurants. It’s a hot pot restaurant. But you can get rice dishes there too.”

 

“Sounds good,” Nino muses. “What do you think Jun?”

 

Jun nods. It really does sound good.

 

The restaurant Shun leads them to is indeed a small, hidden, but beautiful hot pot restaurant. Aiba sighs contently when he receives his bowl with tons of vegetables and fish.

 

Nino seems to be happy. “I know this place too. Good choice, Shun-san. It’s also one of my favourite places.”

 

Jun orders a hot pot with vegetables and shrimps. Shun and Nino the one with pork. Jun doesn’t participate much in their talk because obviously he can’t, but he enjoys listening to Shun’s and Aiba’s chatting. Meanwhile he sips on his soup, and watches his surroundings and friends. It comes so suddenly that he has a hard time covering it up. He doesn’t know what triggered it, but suddenly he sees flashes of himself, sitting in exactly this restaurant, a dark-haired guy next to him, talking to the waiter. Unfortunately he can’t see his face. Jun gulps. He knows this place. Then there are pictures hunting him again, from the person he seemed to have a sexual relationship with. Can it be… Jun shifts his glance towards Nino and Shun. It’s just… from behind it’s really hard to tell, but he has a feeling… and he knows it doesn’t betray him. It’s his memory poking him. Does he know one of these guys from his former life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do we think about Toma? Good - bad - shady? And it seems Jun remembers more and more, but maybe Sho is right, and his memory is blocked because he is afraid to remember.
> 
> By the way, the scene in which Sho wrote on Jun's palm was the first one I had in my mind before I even started writing this. :-)
> 
> And... tadaaaa.... Jun's memory got triggered again, by either Shun or Nino it seems


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is the person Jun knows from his past but can't remember? Nino or Shun?

Whenever Jun closes his eyes he sees himself lying in this man’s arms. He knows his memory was triggered by Shun and Nino messing around and laughing, and being silly and suggestive. He just isn’t sure which one of them it is who triggered his memory.

 

Could it be Shun? But he is a police officer and Nagase-san was the one who introduced them. Nagase, a long-time friend of Sho. Or was it Nino? But he is his doctor… and he is actually kind to him, and he never said anything either.

 

“You look tired today, Jun-san,” Toma states.

 

They have secretly met in the coffee shop again. Only for one hour though so that Shun and Sho won’t get suspicious. He pretended he wants to read the newspaper in his favourite coffee shop without anyone disturbing him. His alone time, as he called it.

 

_I’m okay. Recently I’m not sleeping well._

 

Toma laughs slightly. “Then you need to drink some tea. You know, Yuki, he knows how to cook, and he has this recipe including some herbs. It works miracles if you can’t sleep.”

 

Jun looks at him hopefully. _So he did help others? I thought he wasn’t nice._

 

Toma shrugs. “Everyone has his moments, you know. It doesn’t change who he is though.”

 

But who is he? Jun frowns deeply. Just who the hell is he? Toma gives him hints and pieces, but not the full image. Why? Toma looks absent-minded now, and out of an instinct Jun reaches out his hand to touch his arm. Again it’s like a movie in front of his eyes. He sees himself, or rather Yuki again, talking in a loud voice, and opposite of him there is Toma, yelling back at him.

 

 _I hate you,_ Toma yelled before he left Yuki behind, closing the door behind him.

 

So it’s true, Jun thinks, rubbing his forehead, Toma doesn’t like him. Or Yuki. Hell, he doesn’t even know his real name anymore. Is he really Jun? Or is he Yuki?

 

 _Was he happy?_ Jun asks. _Was Yuki happy?_

 

Toma’s lips tug and he is almost looking a bit pained. “Happy? He couldn’t be. None of us is.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jun doesn’t have much time to think, gladly, as he works a shift in Aiba’s bar tonight. He is relieved that he can do something and distract himself from all the complicated thoughts. Sho is not here tonight, he has a long conference and meeting going and will only come back very late at night, if not in the early morning hours.

 

Jun approaches the usual table with Nino and Ohno, and this time also Aiba because he happily took an hour off, because: “Jun does things pretty well on his own.” Jun places a White Russian in front of Ohno, who flashes him a happy smile. A strawberry daiquiri for Aiba.

 

“With extra ice?” Aiba asks hopefully.

 

Jun winks. And Aiba giggles. Jun nods towards Ohno, scanning his form – he is wearing his new shirt and nice dark jeans. “Yes,” Aiba catches on immediately. “It suits him. Thanks for your help. Next time let’s go shopping for the both of us.”

 

Jun smiles and nods, before he places a bagel with ham and eggs and salad in front of Nino. And his Martini. Nino blinks in surprise. “Food?”

 

Jun shrugs casually. Nino tends to forget to eat on busy days, so, why not giving him something extra.

 

“Jun-kun caught up on your eating habits,” Ohno teases.

 

“You are too obvious,” Aiba agrees.

 

“I do eat!” Nino protests. “It’s not like I never eat.”

 

Jun shakes his head wildly, wanting to signal that he didn’t mean to insult Nino. He is about to reach for his plate to take it away again, when Nino grabs it. “Well,” he stutters. “Since it’s already here…”

 

Jun sighs in relief. He was worried he would upset Nino. He hadn’t asked him before if he wants something to eat. To his surprise it’s Ohno who seems to catch his worries. “Don’t worry,” Ohno says with a soft smile, not deepening what Jun shouldn’t worry about although Aiba throws him a curious glance.

 

Later on Ohno helps him with cleaning up. “I want Masaki to have a few free hours,” he explains when Jun eyes him curiously.

 

Jun points at Ohno, not sure how to ask what he wants to ask. When he works it’s more difficult to scribble something down in his notebook, but again Ohno seems to catch on. “I’m working as an art-therapist,” he explains.

 

That’s interesting indeed. Jun moves his hand up and down, to symbolize a person in small height and tall height.

 

Ohno smiles. “Both children and adults. I don’t make a difference. I’m also working with all kinds of problems. May it be abuse, or violence, bullying, eating disorders, depression, any mental problem.” He pauses, looking nervous all of a sudden. “Jun-san, please don’t be mad at me, but I’m also working with victims of accidents and memory loss and traumatic incidents. Don’t you want to visit me once to work together?”

 

Jun lets his words sink in. Work together… as in… a therapy session. He blushes furiously, and puts the dishes aside. Instead he grabs his notebook. _Won’t Sho-san think I’ve lost my mind if I do so?_

 

Ohno smiles warmly. “You always think about Sho, don’t you?”

 

Again Jun blushes. Is he so obvious?

 

“Sho will be happy if you approach your problems, you know that.” Ohno scans him from head to toe. “What are you really afraid of?”

 

Jun swallows. Refraining to writing instead of talking has taught him to be a lot more direct. He can’t use too many words, he would take too long if he did so. _I’m afraid of who I am._

 

Ohno looks at him for a long while, before he nods. “I know.”

 

Jun blinks. Really? _It’s just… I have the feeling I was a bad person before._

 

Again Ohno frowns, before he looks at Jun intently. “You’ve been getting parts of your memory back, haven’t you?”

 

Jun blushes again. How did he know? He hasn’t told anyone. Not even Nino who treated him first. And Sho. Especially not Sho.

 

Ohno takes his arm and pulls him to the back area of the bar. “Kasumi-chan,” he says to Jun’s sweet co-worker who just comes back into the kitchen. “We leave the rest to you for a while. We’ll be back in a minute.”

 

“Of course,” she salutes them. “Don’t do anything dirty!”

 

Ohno chuckles. “If I did, Masaki would kill me, and Sho,” he jokes back.

 

Jun just nods here and there throughout their banter. He can’t join them anyway. Fast conversations and banters can’t be scribbled down. He lets himself be dragged to the room at the back of the bar. It’s a comfortable room, for them to change their clothes, rest a bit, take a break.

 

“Jun-san,” Ohno says softly. “Why didn’t you tell anyone that you are slowly remembering?”

 

Jun looks down on the floor, with a sigh angling for his notebook. _I couldn’t. I’m not even sure what exactly I remember. I just know it’s nothing good._

 

“We all know that it’s probably not good,” Ohno explains casually. “We found you beaten up and on the street, with no memory. It was obvious from the beginning on that you are coming from a difficult background.”

 

Jun bites his lips. _What if my background isn’t the only thing that’s bad? What if I’m bad too?_

 

“You know, I know people can be faking something for a while. I can also see how people change. But it’s impossible for someone who lost his memory to get a whole new personality. You are just being yourself now. If you were bad before, I believe it’s rather because you were forced into being it or because you wanted to protect yourself.” He pauses. “Jun-kun, you don’t miraculously change just because you lose your memory. You are still you. There are people that made bad decisions and lost their way in life, and go back to their former personality – to something they once were – when they lose their memories. Or they start to understand more things about themselves. But you don’t just become a new person.”

 

It’s a long speech for Ohno, and Jun feels tears prickling behind his eyelids. He scribbles something on his notebook and shows it Ohno. The latter nods. “So this is what and who you believe you were?”

 

Jun nods.

 

“It might be true,” Ohno muses. “It might be something like that, because you know there are things about you, like how you work in this bar and are able to allure people. But…” he smiles. “Even if that’s true, it doesn’t change that you are Jun to us.”

 

_What if the others will think differently?_

 

“They won’t,” Ohno says firmly. “You are one of us already, so get that into your thick head and stop running from your memory.”

 

Jun smiles slightly at being scolded like that. It’s been a long time, and with Sho it’s different. Ohno is like an older brother. _Okay._

 

“Okay what?” Ohno wants to know with a surprised expression.

 

_I’ll take you up on your offer._

 

Ohno smiles brightly all of a sudden and squeezes his arm. “You won’t regret it. Finding out who and what you are will only help you to move forward.”

 

Jun nods. Yes, he knows that.

 

 

 

~~~

 

The others were so kind to wait for him to finish his work. “Thanks so much,” Aiba says wholeheartedly and attack-hugs him all of a sudden. “Thanks to you I was able to spend a free evening. It was a really nice opportunity.”

 

Jun feels embarrassed for being thanked like that. He just shakes his head and waves his hand to signal it wasn’t anything major to do.

 

Aiba just chuckles.

 

“So,” Ohno says. “Let’s get you home, shall we?”

 

Jun blinks. _You don’t need to bother. I can get home by myself._

 

The others exchange a grin. “Then we might get slaughtered by Sho-sama~” Aiba jokes.

 

“No, really,” Nino says earnestly. “It’s still not entirely safe for you. We shouldn’t let our guards down. Sho is right. One of us is definitely going with you.”

 

Jun feels a bit uncomfortable by always needing the help of others. He wishes he could resolve his issues finally, and lead a normal life.

 

“You guys go home,” Ohno says calmly. “I’ll accompany Jun-kun.”

 

Nino sighs. “You know what, you two did enough for tonight. And you need to get up early tomorrow. I can sleep in. So I’ll go with Jun-kun. Okay?”

 

It seems like the best solution to everyone and Jun is actually glad that they aren’t all accompanying him. It would make him feel seriously guilty. Going with Nino however does seem a bit weird, not because he doesn’t like Nino, he also doesn’t get the vibe that Nino hates him, but something about him makes him feel awkward. And then there is the triggered memory he had the other day…

 

When they pass the deserted park, Nino stops all of a sudden. “You know,” Nino says all of a sudden, a thoughtful expression on his face. “There is something I wanted to try since a while.”

 

Jun blinks. _What?_

 

Nino chuckles. Instead of an answer, he pushes Jun against the tree next to them, hands grabbing his hips firmly and before Jun can even react, he feels Nino’s warm and firm lips against his, kissing him.

 

Jun is shocked, surprised, not ready to react in any way. Then however it happens. Pictures and memories flying through his mind, like a volcano is exploding. He pushes Nino away as a sudden headache hunts him and just runs the rest of the way.

 

He doesn’t realize how Nino calls his name.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is Nino and what are his reasons for approaching Jun? Jun remembers more and more... before something unexpected happens

Jun is eternally thankful that Sho is not at home. It gives him the room he needs. He lies on the carpet on the floor, eyes wide-opened. He doesn’t really look at something, just at the pictures in front of his inner eye, while his memory comes back step by step. He knows where the yellow sign is from. He remembers Toma. He remembers his work and who he was. There are still parts missing, but it seems a lot of it is there again. And to be honest, he doesn’t even feel anything, it’s just… empty.

 

He hears a knock against the entrance door. “Jun-kun,” Nino’s voice comes from outside. “I know you are inside. Please let us talk.”

 

Jun doesn’t know how he should react or what he should do now. He can’t even answer Nino, because how? He still hasn’t got his voice back.

 

“I did it because I wanted you to remember,” Nino says quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to assault you or anything. I just figured that a surprise attack might trigger your memory.”

 

Jun sits up a bit, scribbling something down on a paper before pushing it through the gap in the door. _We really don’t know each other, do we?_

 

The answer comes back swiftly, written on the paper as well. _No. I have never seen you before._

 

Then… why…

 

“I just had a feeling,” Nino admits from the other side. “I had a feeling about who or what you are. I’m not judging you Jun, I just wanted you to get your memory back. I’m sorry. Please believe me.”

 

It sounds genuine. Jun sighs. Nino helped him out a lot previously, he can’t just leave him outside. So he opens the door, letting him in. The expression of utmost relief on Nino’s face actually shows him it was a good decision to do so. He sits down on the floor again, this time leaning against the wall. Nino kneels in front of him, pulling him into a hug. “It doesn’t change who you are,” he says softly. “You need to accept it about yourself.”

 

To be honest, Jun had known it all the way. He had a feeling. Meeting Toma made this feeling stronger. He just wished he was wrong.

 

“I’m going to make you some tea,” Nino says, while he pulls Jun up by his arm and pushes him towards the sofa.

 

Jun’s mind seems to work on its own right now, he can’t stop the images from flooding him and for forcing their way into his mind. So it’s Shun, he realizes when he sees himself lying in the arms of said man, who is making love to him. It’s Shun, not Nino. He also sees himself waking up next to Toma sometimes, and to his surprise the knowledge of Toma hating him hurts him all of a sudden. It hurts him as Yuki’s memories are slowly back, and Yuki always considered Toma as a friend.

 

Nino tries to make him feel better. Makes him tea, cooks something, all the while talking to him. _How should I ever tell Sho-san?_ Jun finally dares to ask Nino via his notes.

 

“Jun-kun,” Nino says earnestly, squeezing his arm. “Sho will not judge you. Sho wants you to be happy. When you finally remember, you can meet him eye to eye, and tell him what you want from him. Because you love him, don’t you?”

 

Jun nods.

 

“And the person you were before loves him too?”

 

Again a nod.

 

Nino smiles. “Because you are the same person. You weren’t bad before. You didn’t choose your life on your own, did you?”

 

Jun shakes his head. He was sold and kept like a prisoner. There was no place for free decisions.

 

“Work with Oh-chan,” Nino continues. “He is good. And working with art might help you to get over it and accept it.”

 

_You heard us, didn’t you?_

Nino nods. “I didn’t want to spy on you or anything. I was actually looking for the both of you and heard you talking in the bar. As a doctor it was a dangerous thing to make a move on you, to be honest.”

 

_Why did you do it then?_

 

Nino sighs deeply. “You are a friend, and I wanted you to be able to remember.”

 

Something about these words make Jun happy and sad at the same time. He wonders if it’s really okay to move on just like nothing ever happened in his past.

 

There are many things Jun remembers from his old life now, and one of it particularly doesn’t leave his mind: No one does something for free. He hasn’t paid back Sho anything up to now. He should though. Because no one is kind just for the sake of being kind. Sho probably expects him to do something too.

 

Maybe he should do what he can do best?

 

 

~~~

 

Sho feels drained when he comes home. The meeting took forever, and he is bone-tired now. He just wishes to shower and drop into his bed. If he can talk a bit with Jun while he does so, it might be a bonus.

 

Jun is acting weird recently though. He has noticed that something has to be off, and something inside him tells him that Jun might actually remember certain things of his life. Sho just wishes he would trust him enough to come out to him and tell him what bothers him. He is not going to judge him, he has basically sworn to himself he won’t - and secretly he has played with tons of worst case scenarios of Jun’s former life already, so he feels he is ready for any revelation.

 

Jun is nowhere in the living room, apparently he went to bed already. Well, obviously, it’s 4AM. Sho takes his time in the shower, trying to wash the tiredness and the tension of a long day at work away. He really feels refreshed when he steps out of the shower, wraps his body in a bathrobe and walks to his room.

 

There is dim light coming from under the door. Sho blinks in confusion. So, Jun is still up? “Jun?”

 

When he opens the door carefully, he almost drops out of the room again. He drops the towel he is drying his hair with, ignoring it completely for now. Jun is sitting on his bed, his white skin looking even paler in the moonlight, he is split naked, his eyes shining dark and seductively, while he reaches out his hands. He looks like a Greek figurine.

 

Sho can’t help but step closer, too surprised to actually react. When he sits down at the edge of the bed, he can feel Jun’s hands wrapping around his body. Soft lips suddenly roam his neck, and damn it feels so good. Jun skilfully turns his head so that he has to look at him, before surging forward to kiss him. It’s just the right amount of hungry and soft, and it sends a firework through Sho’s body. It’s so alluring and it feels so good to have Jun so close that Sho has a hard time to focus.

 

But then he does, carefully pushing Jun away, holding his shoulders to look at him. “Jun,” he says softly. “What are you doing?”

 

Jun smiles, taking his notebook again. _Isn’t it obvious. I want you._

 

“No you don’t,” Sho says firmly.

 

_I do._

 

Jun bends forward again, biting into Sho’s earlobe softly and kissing his shoulder. This time though Sho’s senses are on alert and his mind awake. He grabs Jun’s face to pull him back again. “Jun,” he says earnestly. “Your hands feel ice-cold, and your lips are quivering. You don’t want this.”

 

Jun looks angry all of a sudden, and Sho isn’t sure if he understands exactly where his anger comes from. Jun gets up all of a sudden, eyebrows furrowed, scribbling something on a note while he does so.

 

He basically throws it at Sho.

 

_It’s because of your ex-boyfriend, isn’t it!? The others told me you had someone at your side and I heard one of them say once that we resemble each other!! Who are you even kidding?_

 

Sho is surprised by that sudden non-vocal outburst. It’s still pretty clear that it is an outburst though as Jun’s handwriting is messy and his eyes are dark. He grabs a pair of pyjama trousers and swiftly puts it on.

 

“Jun,” Sho says earnestly, getting up to. “You are not a placeholder. What are you even thinking?” he grabs Jun’s arm but gets pushed away immediately. Something about the way Jun ignores him pisses him off, because he knows even without a voice Jun always communicated well with him.

 

He follows Jun to the living room and grabs Jun’s arm with more strength now, turning him around. “Jun, I know you have been meeting someone!” he huffs, sounding angrier than he intended too. “And I know you remember parts of your past. Who are _you_ even kidding!?”

 

Jun takes another note out of his pocked. _You spied on me!?_

 

Sho frowned deeply. “Are you nuts!?” he answers harshly. “I didn’t. I trusted you, you were the one meeting someone secretly. Shun-san told me.”

 

Jun basically throws the last note into his face. _Awesome! So, if it’s Shun, I assume everything is safe!_

 

Sho blinks in confusion. What’s that supposed to mean now? He wants to ask Jun about it, but Jun is faster, hurrying into the elevator and closing the door. Sho sighs. Jun is only in his pyjama pants and barefoot. Where does he even want to go?

 

For a moment Sho stays at the same place, trying to gather his thoughts. Did it really bother Jun so much that someone said he resembled Sho’s former love? Does he really think he is a placeholder? And why didn’t he tell Sho that he met someone, probably from his past life? It’s dangerous and it could be a trap…

 

“Damn,” Sho mumbles. That escalated quickly.

 

Jun probably was desperate to remember. He presses the button of the elevator, swiftly switching into a pair of trousers and a shirt, and putting on his shoes until the elevator is at his floor again. When he drives down, his heart pounds against his chest nervously. What if… Jun is so impulsive, hopefully he didn’t run off somewhere! He hopes that Jun isn’t doing something reckless or stupid. It’s cold outside, and he is basically naked. Oh, please, don’t let him run.

 

To Sho’s surprise and downright relief though Jun is sitting right on the ground, next to the elevator, shivering slightly in the cold. Sho’s eyes widen in horror. “You need to get out of the cold immediately,” he says softly, grabbing Jun’s arm and pulling him up. When he sees Jun’s sad expression, he finally figures that he unintentionally might have hurt him when he pushed him away in the bedroom. It wasn’t his intention though and he mentally slaps himself for not considering it earlier. He hugs him softly. “It’s alright, Jun, let’s go back home, okay?”

 

Jun doesn’t fight him when he tugs him into the elevator and they drive back up. His skin feels cold though, obviously because he waited forever for Sho to come home, naked, and because he spent some time in the cold garage.

 

Sho lets warm water into the bathtub and some flower-scented bathing oil before he helps Jun inside. Jun looks at him both expectantly and shyly. Sho chuckles. “Fine,” he says. “I’ll join you.”

 

He steps into the tub, settling right behind of Jun and pulling him into a hug from behind. The water feels warm and Jun’s skin warms up too. “I’m glad you didn’t run. I was scared and worried you would. We need a second elevator.”

 

Jun has placed his notebook at the edge of the bathtub, he probably got used to carrying it with him, always. _I realised that I had nowhere to go._

 

It feels sad. Although Sho can’t hear Jun’s voice, and can’t see his expression, his written words sound sad. He hugs him tighter. “Jun,” he says softly. “I would be happy if you considered this your home. And you don’t need to sell your body to me to stay with me. I’m happy to have you around.”

 

Jun’s head basically snaps to the side to look at him, eyes widened in horror.

 

“That’s the truth, isn’t it?” Sho carefully pushes the topic, not sure how far he can go. “I had a feeling that you were under the red-light mafia.”

 

Jun sighs, eyeing his notebook warily. _I met someone who knew the old me. Apparently I worked under another name. He doesn’t know that we are the same person. I didn’t want to lie, but I was scared of what I would find out._

 

“I know,” Sho says warily. “Just, please, next time tell me. I promise you I’ll try to be understanding, but meeting someone in secret might be dangerous for you. For all of us actually.”

 

Jun looks back again, his expression miserable while tears are shimmering inside his eyes. _I sold my body. I worked as a prostitute._

 

“No wonder you were afraid of your memory. It had to be a scary life you had” Sho says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

 

Jun’s eyes widen in surprise, and to Sho’s horror he suddenly bursts into tears. “Did I say something wrong?” he stutters, pulling Jun into a hug again. “I don’t judge you, I know you probably went through a lot. You were there since you are a child, weren’t you? I didn’t mean to say something that would hurt you.”

 

Jun shakes his head. _You are just perfect._

 

Sho snorts in amusement. “Yeah, right.”

 

Jun rolls his eyes, and turns back, leaning against Sho’s chest.

 

“You know, Jun,” Sho says after a while, wary how to explain everything. “About what you said earlier. About my ex-boyfriend. His name was Shino. I coincidentally met him on a rooftop of a skyscraper. I was there to get some fresh air. He wanted to commit suicide. I managed to stop him from it, and we somehow got friends, and well, at one point we also had a sexual relationship. He never let me really in though. We were something like lovers, and he meant a lot to me, although I wasn’t madly in love. At one point he left me and went back to his old life. Now he lives in Honk Kong, I think, working for the black market there.” He pauses. “You are not a replacement for him. I don’t need one. What the others meant is that the way I stumbled over you dramatically is similar to how I met Shino. I don’t think he really hated who he was and what he was. He couldn’t let go of his old life, and he didn’t want to. He just needed a timeout, and I was his personal break. You however want to get away from your past life so badly, you didn’t choose it yourself, and you want to be free. My friends hardly interacted with him, while they do with you. Aiba-chan would have never hired him for the bar. Nino would have never treated him in hospital. Oh-chan would have never wanted to work together with him. Do you see the difference?”

 

Jun doesn’t react for a while, then he nods carefully. _I don’t want to ever leave you._

 

Sho smiles. “Then don’t. I don’t want you to leave either.”

 

Jun takes Sho’s hand into is, turning it so that he eyes his palm. Sho smiles when he can feel Jun’s finger, writing a few words. _I’m sorry for earlier._

 

Sho smiles, placing a kiss on Jun’s palm before writing something himself. _Me too._

~~~

Sho wraps Jun into a towel and picks him up. Jun laughs and smacks him while he does so, but although wavering dangerously and sometimes bumping into something – making Jun giggle – they reach the bedroom.

 

“I want you to want it,” Sho says earnestly when he puts Jun down on the bed. “I don’t want you to sell yourself to me, because it would really hurt me if you did.”

 

Jun shakes his head and takes his hand, moving it to his heart. Sho feels how it’s hammering against his chest. He smiles brightly. “I really am in love with you Jun, you know that, don’t you?”

 

Jun’s eyes light up. He pats his chest, while his lips form a silent _I love you too._

 

Sho lets out a relieved sigh, crawling towards Jun until he straddles his hips. “I don’t want to hurt you. If I do something you don’t like, you won’t be able to tell me. I’m a bit scared.”

 

Jun shakes his head, taking his notebook again. _You are not going to hurt me._

“But,” Sho bites down on his lips. “What if I do something you don’t like? And I don’t realize because you can’t tell me?”

 

Jun grabs his face and pulls him into a kiss, before scribbling again. _You don’t need my voice to know. I trust you._

 

There is no doubt in Jun’s eyes. It seems now that he was finally able to admit his past to Sho a huge rock fell from him, and it finally made it possible for him to open up to Sho completely. Sho takes a long time with kissing Jun, feeling the texture of his skin, the muscles of his body, happy when he feels them flexing under his touches. Jun pants heavily, moaning when Sho teases his nipples, biting and sucking at them. “You know, on a second thought,” Sho rests his chin on Jun’s chest, blinking up to him innocently. “It’s kind of hot that you can’t tell me to finally fuck you. You look so desperate.”

 

Jun blushes and dabs his cheek lightly. Sho laughs. “Okay, I understand.” He presses another kiss on Jun’s stomach, before he finally moves downwards, taking Jun’s hard dick into one hand, stroking it lazily, while he opens the bottle with lube skilfully with his free hand, spreading a generous amount on his fingers to prepare Jun thoroughly. He takes his time to prepare Jun, not wanting to rush things. As Jun can’t talk to him, he instead listens to the signs his body is giving him, the way his chest heaves, and his breathing goes faster, his moans. When Jun’s eyes are obviously clouded with want, Sho decides he is ready. Removing his fingers, he settles between Jun’s legs, pulling a condom over his own painfully hard cock. “Is it okay,” he asks softly.

 

Instead of a nod Jun reaches out his hands, wrapping them around Sho’s neck and pulling him down. He wraps his legs around Sho’s hips, forcing him to enter him not half as careful as he intended. He moans at the sudden tightness around him, feeling how Jun arches his back, his head dropping to the side. Once adjusted Jun is back to kissing him hungrily though, his hand wandering down to his dick while Sho starts snapping his hips forward. Jun tightens his grip of his legs, signalling Sho to go faster. “I’m going to hurt you,” Sho tries to complain as long as his mind is still working. “I-“

 

Jun shuts him up by covering his mouth with his lips, kissing him heatedly.

 

Fuck it, he is so hot.

 

Sho finally gives in, deciding he can trust the signals Jun is giving him. He smacks Jun’s hand away softly, stroking his dick instead while snapping his hips forward in fast and strong movements. They are both panting heavily, the sound of their moans and skin slapping skin resounding in the room. Jun closes his eyes, his dick pulsating in Sho’s hands, body arching, and with a few more tugs, he comes all over Sho’s hands.

 

Sho immediately grabs his hips, pulling him closer against him and pushing into him roughly, seeking his own release. He feels Jun stroking his chest and back, lips roaming his neck. When Jun clenches his muscles around Sho’s dick, he feels the tension in his stomach piling up, before being released all of a sudden. The sight in front of him gets white when he finally hits his own orgasm.

 

He drops down on top of Jun, feeling his warm arms around him. When he has come down from his high, he carefully pulls out of Jun, getting rid of his condom, and dropping down next to the younger man. He pulls him into his arms. “This was wonderful,” he chuckles. “Let’s repeat it soon.”

 

Jun smiles brightly, kissing Sho’s chest, then he nods.

 

 

~~~

 

The next morning Sho swears he is going to make them clean themselves up right after they had sex next time. They are sticky and sore. But showering together with their senses awake is nice too, he thinks, when Jun gets down on his knees and sucks him off, teasing him so long until Sho can’t hold back and takes him another time.

 

Jun smirks when they are finished. He reaches out his palm and lets two finger of his other hand dance over it.

 

“Yes,” Sho chuckles. “You have me in your palm.”

 

Jun smiles and pulls him into a hug, kissing him hungrily. Sho can’t ignore that he is limping slightly though and wincing when he moves too fast while they prepare their breakfast. Sho kisses the back of Jun’s head. “Definitely taking a break for today,” he says firmly.

 

Jun blinks slightly, apparently not sure what he means, but it doesn’t matter. He would argue him if he did know.

 

When they settle in for their late brunch, Jun scribbles something into his book. _I talked with Nino. I’m letting myself get tested next week. I never did it without a condom anyway, but to be safe. And if everything goes alright, we can do it without._

 

Sho’s eyes light up. He knows what Jun is actually saying with this. It’s a commitment. You don’t go to that length and through that hassle just for anyone. “Then I’ll do the same,” he says. “So you can feel safe too.”

 

Jun’s eyes light up happily.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun still feels chipper when it’s afternoon and Sho is working a bit for his next project. He cooks meanwhile, wanting to make a nice dinner for them. He promised Sho his favourite soba dish.

 

He pats Sho’s shoulder. _I’m going shopping._

 

Sho nods with a smile. “Be careful, dear.”

 

Jun nods.

 

He doesn’t need long in the supermarket, as he knows exactly what he needs to buy. It’s when he leaves the supermarket with his huge bag that he suddenly feels his phone vibrating. It’s a message from Toma.

 

_Jun-san, you need to meet me at the corner of Takahashi street and the park. It’s an emergency. Please, I need you!_

 

Jun blinks at the message in surprise. It sounds like Toma is in real panic. He nods to himself, the place isn’t too far away anyways, he can just go there. Before he can reach it though, he remembers his and Sho’s talk from yesterday, about not going anywhere without telling him. So, he swiftly types a message to him, before he hurries to said place.

 

Once he reaches it, he looks around in confusion. Toma is nowhere to be seen. Did he mix up the places? He is about to take his phone and give the other man a call, when he feels something hard hitting his head, before the sight in front of him goes black.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Jun?

Jun feels dizzy when he wakes up, his head hurting strangely. Someone hit him, he can remember that. But why? What happened? “Finally awake!” He can hear a dark voice behind him, a hand grabbing Jun’s hair and tugging at it painfully until the guy managed to pull him into an upright position. “You thought we would let you go?”

 

Jun’s eyes widen in shock as his eyes meet the man in front of him. He knows that man, it’s the boss of the brothel he used to work in. He remembers that he was sold to this place as a teenager after his parents died and left him with too many debts. Of course the red-light mafia took it as their chance to use him for their purposes. He shakes his head and tries to rob away from this guy.

 

“So it is true?” another man muses. Jun knows his voice too. It’s one of the so-called fishers. Guys who look around for pretty, homeless boys to lure them to their organisation. “That other one of our whores, Ikuta, says he isn’t Yuki. Just someone who looks similar. Bad thing Yuki committed suicide. Yuki was one of our best guys…”

 

The chief turns to Jun, grinning dirtily “Bad chance, I guess, that you look like him.” He bends down to inspect his face closely. “You look like him. And he was one of our best guys. I think it’s your duty to cover up for him now, since you have his pretty face.”

 

Jun pants heavily, his stomach tugging in fear. His mind is still trying to grasp what’s going on. They want him… because the old Yuki had left, apparently they even believe he committed suicide. Their best income had left. And he was looking just the same… He wants to yell at them, and tell them to let him go, threaten them, but he can’t. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t talk.

 

“He can’t speak though,” the fisher says. “Ikuta said he can’t.”

 

“Let’s see if that’s true.” The chief smirks. “Before nightfall I’m going to make him talk.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

When Jun doesn’t return within half an hour Sho doesn’t worry much. He went grocery shopping after all, nothing unusual, and if he doesn’t find anything he might go to another shop. Also there is Shun watching him, so no worries.

 

However when an hour passes, Sho frowns slightly. Is it normal that it takes so long? Did Jun meet Nino or one of the others on the way? He wants to grab his phone, surprised to realize that he forgot it in his bedroom. He fetches it with a sigh, surprised to see that Jun actually wrote him. So, maybe he really met someone?

 

Toma-kun just wrote me. Something about an emergency at the park close to the Takahashi street. I’ll be home in half an hour.

 

The message was sent 45 minutes ago, and something about it makes Sho’s heart race. It sounds so off…like… what kind of emergency? Why such a deserted place? Why…

 

Sho curses under his breath. Without further thinking he grabs his jacket and runs out of his apartment, not bothering to wait for the elevator, instead taking the staircases. He is not particularly sportive, but he manages to make it to said place within ten minutes. He looks around in worry. No Jun around. There is also no coffee shop or anything close by. He turns around a bit, frowning when he sees something on the ground. A bag? He carefully peaks inside. Soba noodles. Mushrooms. Sliced beef.

 

Sho’s heart stops beating for a moment, he is almost choking on his breath, before his heart picks up its speed again, hammering against his chest twice as fast as normally. It’s a trap. A fucking trap!

 

And they were too blind to see one.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sho immediately calls Nagase. He can’t trust anyone else in this for now. Nagase listens to him, his voice suddenly sounding strained.

 

“Fuck it, Sakurai-san,” he breaths out. “The red-light cartel has its fingers in it. I hate these fuckers. I’m sending my men to the park. You go home. If Jun returns, it’s better if someone is home. And check your apartment. Maybe you’ll find some hints.

 

Sho nods, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. On the ground he sees Jun’s notebook. He picks it up, skimming through it. Seems like Jun also used it as a little diary. It’s mostly about Sho. Suddenly Sho can’t help the tears spilling from his eyes.

 

He doesn’t know how he makes it home, it seems like it takes forever. He can see a police car passing him, obviously driving to the park. The only thing he manages to do is send a swift message to Ohno. What he didn’t expect though is to find his friends in front of his apartment when he finally comes home.

 

“Shit,” Aiba curses when Sho has filled them in on everything.

 

“You can say that loud,” Nino comments quietly. “Let’s get up and roam the apartment. Like, how the fuck could this even happen?”

 

Ohno is quiet. “How did they even know he is here?”

 

“Seems like he met someone from his old life,” Sho explains meekly. “But the guy thinks he is someone else. A doppelganger. Jun only met him three times.”

 

“Who is it?” Nino wants to know.

 

To Sho’s surprise it’s Aiba who suddenly speaks up. “I kind of remember something,” he suddenly says warily. “One time, weeks ago, I walked Jun back home after work. He fell behind for a moment because his laces were open. A guy approached him. Jun said he asked for the correct way, but I think there was more to it. Jun looked so unsettled. And the guy… was really good-looking, dressed well, hair styled. He was…”

 

“…at work,” Sho concludes in horror.

 

Masaki frowns. “I think he handed him a card with his contacts.”

 

“Good!” Ohno exclaims. “Let’s search the apartment. And look into every pocket of Jun’s clothes. Any sheet of paper is important.”

 

Everyone is up on their feet immediately, helping to look through everything. Sho feels glad he can do something. He doesn’t know how long they search, but it seems to be in vain. They find some pieces of paper, but nothing special.

 

After what seems like hours Nagase suddenly enters the apartment, looking at them in surprise. “Jun met someone from his previous life,” Nino says shortly to his drinking buddy.

 

Nagase sighs. “Awesome. That’s how they set the trap. What are you looking for?”

 

“Masaki believes the guy gave Jun his contacts,” Nino points out. “And normally they don’t have their own place, right? They live in the brothels.”

 

Nagase furrows his eyebrows. “There is something else.”

 

Sho turns around, eyes widened at the strained voice. “What happened? Did you find something?”

 

“No, my men are roaming the area and looking for traces. They also try to find eye witnesses.” Nagase bites down on his lips “Shun disappeared. He is one of my best men and a lifelong friend, I don’t understand.”

 

“Maybe they got him too,” Masaki offers, while Nino nods.

 

Ohno and Sho however exchange a look of distress, until suddenly something rings in Sho’s mind. “Wait a moment,” he mumbles. “I had a fight with Jun yesterday, and he said something about Shun… or rather wrote…” He rushes to the dustbin, emptying it and going through everything, until he finds said paper.

 

He hands it to Nagase. “Awesome! So, if it’s Shun, I assume everything is safe!” he recites, his eyes darkening. “Fuck,” he cures. “So that’s why they knew exactly where to find him. Shun was their information.”

 

“But why,” Nino asks quietly. “He… he was really nice to Jun. He didn’t seem to have any grudge against him or any ill intention. I once even saw him helping a little kid get back its balloon. Why would he do something like that? I don’t understand. I can’t explain it.”

 

“But I can.”

 

They all spin around in surprise, eyeing the man at the doorframe. Shun’s face looks drained and tired. He was probably wearing a cheerful mask all the time. He bows deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he says with a hoarse voice. “It’s my fault.”

 

“Why?” Nagase yells. “Why the hell did you do it? I can’t believe you betrayed us. You were the one always nagging me about the codex and rules and doing the right thing.”

 

“Until one year ago,” Shun states. “It wouldn’t have made sense to me either.”

 

Sho takes a step forward. “You really sold us out?” he asks angrily. “You sold Jun out to them?”

 

Shun nods weakly. “I had no choice.”

 

Sho’s mind basically goes blank. He jumps forward, grimly, punching Shun right into this face, with all the strength he has. The other man stumbles backwards in shock, dropping to the floor.

 

Sho jumps a bit in pain. “Fuck it, my thumb.”

 

Nino steps forward immediately, checking on it. “It’s probably broken,” he muses. “You never punch someone with your thumb in your fist,” he lectures, but to Sho’s utter surprise Nino looks really content when his eyes meet Shun. “Glad Sho punched you. I would really like to kick you now.”

 

“Me too,” Ohno huffs, while Aiba nods in agreement.

 

“But unfortunately,” Nino continues. “We still need your answers.”

 

Shun sits up a bit, leaning against the wall, while he brushes with the back of his hand over his bloody nose. “Jun was wearing Sho-san’s clothes when he met Ikuta-kun.”

 

“You know him?” Nagase asks in surprise.

 

“He is one of their hosts too, as they call them,” Shun says miserably. “When they met, Jun was still borrowing Sho-san’s clothes. His contacts are probably in one of Sho’s trousers.”

 

Sho pulls his hand away from Nino, ignoring the throbbing pain of his thumb and hurrying to his wardrobe. Jun’s always wearing his black trousers, sometimes one of his tighter jeans, everything else is too unfashionable, as he says.

 

His heart hammers against his chest while he goes through his clothes and pockets. Please let it be there. Please. When his fingers meet a piece of paper, his heart almost stops for a moment. He pulls it out, eyes suddenly brimming with tears of hope. A card. Name: Ikuta Toma.

 

When he hurries back to the others he waves with the card, immediately handing it to Nagase. Nagase shows him a hopeful smile too, before eyeing Shun. “We still need to know more,” he says sharply.

 

Shun nods. “I’ll tell you what I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone, that I wasn't able to update this story last week - I was on vacation and wasn't online much.  
> So... Jun got kidnapped OO By the same people who had Yuki >< And indeed, Shun seems to have sold them out...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is Jun? Sho is desperately searching.   
> Shun tells his story.

Shun is still sitting at the same spot, eyeing the ceiling with this tired expression of his. Sho slowly starts to realize that he probably went through a lot too.

 

“I met Jun once,” Shun starts carefully.

 

Nagase tilts his head. “You met him? As in?”

 

“I was lonely,” Shun explains, blushing a bit. “I kind of dialled the number of, let’s say, a callboy agency. And they sent Jun.”

 

Sho’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“I… I’m not proud of calling someone for such a service,” Shun stutters. “Not my best moment. I swear I treated him with respect.”

 

Nagase sighs. “Not an unusual move though, as much as I don’t like it. I’m sure you aren’t the only one. But what happened then?”

 

“I don’t know how, and why, but they found out that I’m a police officer,” Shun states flatly, making the others blink in surprise. He pauses awkwardly, apparently not able to continue.

 

Nagase however frowns as it seems to dawn on him. “They blackmailed you. Is that what you are trying to say?”

 

Shun nods miserably. “They have photos, and a video, and I don’t know what else. They also know the right people,” he says bitterly.

 

Nagase’s frown deepens. “What do you mean?”

 

“I just used their call service. I didn’t know that it’s such a horrible institution. Believe me or not, but I would have never called for a service had I known how they treat their hosts. After they had me in their palm, I found out how bad they are. They beat their guys regularly, send them several customers at night. There is no way they can even say no to things they don’t like.” Shun’s face looks like he is watching a horror movie. He probably has. A real life one. “It’s the worst. But they have popular customers. Not me, a small police officer, but a few chiefs and alike.”

 

Nagase’s eyes widen. “You are kidding!?”

 

“One call and they would have ruined my life.” Shun pauses.

 

Nagase lets out a sigh and reaches out a hand to help him up. “What else?” he wants to know. “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, your not so glorious moment would have pissed me off, but I might have been able to help you.”

 

Shun’s eyes shimmer with tears. “They have my brother. I don’t know how they got him, but they have him. And I…” his voice trails off.

 

Sho sighs deeply. All of a sudden it’s kind of hard to be mad at Shun, though he is still pissed.

 

“Why did you come back?” Ohno finally asks quietly.

 

Shun takes a while to answer, then he sighs. “I can’t trade a life for a life. I just can’t.” He pauses. "They don't know yet that Jun and Yuki, that's Jun's host name if you want to call it like that, are the same person, but Yuki was pretty popular as a host..."  
  
  
Nagase frowns. "Can you show us where the club is?"  
  
  
  
Shun nods.

 

“Good,” Nagase says. “We have your information and Ikuta-san’s contacts. Let’s get things going! I’m calling my men. You guys wait here, until I tell you to come.”

 

“Nagase-san,” Sho begs, his heart beating faster. He can’t help but to hope. Hope to have his Jun back fast. “Please save him.”

 

Nagase nods. “I will give my best to get him out of there, I promise.”

 

 

~~~

 

The chief slaps him so hard that Jun sees stars, but there is no sound escaping his lips. He can’t talk anyway, comes handy this time.

 

“Don’t hit his face too much,” the fisher hisses. “We need it to look pretty! Other parts of the body don’t matter.”

 

The chief nods grimly, punching Jun’s stomach and making him gasp. “Talk, finally talk you rat!”

 

There is a knock against the door, and for a moment both men are distracted. The fisher opens it, talking to someone, before coming back and whispering something to the chief. They talk for a while, quietly, before approaching the door. “We’ll be back soon,” the chief smirks.

 

Awesome.

 

Jun shifts his body into an upright position, the ties around his wrist hurting his flesh. What is he about to do now? How should he escape? Did Sho already realize he is gone? Does he think he ran away from him? Something in Jun’s stomach clenches painfully. What if Sho believes he ran away and won’t look for him?

 

The door moves slightly and Jun winces in fear, afraid that the men come back. But to his surprise it’s Toma. He looks miserable, and Jun takes a wild guess he didn’t have much to say in their chief’s plan.

 

“Jun-kun,” he whispers, hurrying closer. He wipes Jun’s face clean from the blood swiftly, before making him drink some water, carefully waiting for Jun to take sip for sip. Once he is finished he feeds him with some bread, all the while nervously looking at the door. Jun assumes he took a huge risk coming here. Something inside him feels warm all of a sudden, despite the horror he still feels. Although Toma didn’t like Yuki, he seems to like Jun. That’s enough for now. “I can’t help you more. I’m so sorry,” he mumbles while he loosens Jun’s ties slightly. “Keep strong. I’ll think of something.”

 

He wonders if Toma even has an option to think of something but nevertheless he nods slightly. Anything. He is going to cling on anything now. He wants to see Sho, he wants to see Sho so badly. Toma touches his arms. “The ties are loose enough. You can free yourself whenever you want. Maybe you can use a good moment to run away from them, take them by surprise. I’ll make sure the door is unlocked. Meanwhile I’ll try to do something, I promise.” He looks away guiltily. “I’m so sorry for dragging you into this Jun-kun. I didn't know...”

 

Jun nods. He tries to stop his stomach from clenching too hard when Toma leaves him alone again. He knows the guys are going to be back soon, and he is not sure what they are going to do to him. He just hopes Sho realized his absence and has enough faith in him to know he wouldn’t just run away.

 

Please save me.

 

~~~

 

“Okay, that’s it.” Sho puts his cup with tea down angrily. “I’m going!”

 

“Eh,” Nino asks, obviously faking obliviousness. “Where to?”

 

“I’m going to find Jun,” Sho explains like it’s the most normal thing of the world. To him it somehow is.

 

“No, you won’t.” Ohno intervenes earnestly. “It’s dangerous as fuck to do that. You know it.”

 

“I know,” Sho says, for the first time ever deciding to not even give a penny on Ohno’s opinion. “But Jun is alone, and probably scared as hell. Who knows what they are going to do with him!?” He tries to calm down his heart that’s beating hysterically fast when he thinks of what might happen to Jun and how he might feel. “I can’t just leave him alone.”

 

“Nagase-san is already on his way,” Ohno tries to argue.

 

“I know,” Sho admits quietly. “But I can’t sit here and wait. When they find him I want to be there for him. Can’t you understand?”

 

Ohno lets out a desperate sigh. “I can. I just don’t like it.”

 

“We don’t even know where to go to,” Nino argues. “Nagase-san took all the information with him.”

 

“Yes we do,” Aiba intervenes all of a sudden. “Someone here remembers Toma-kun’s address…”

 

Sho’s eyes snap up. “You do?”

 

“Yes, I read the card before you handed it to Nagase-san.” Aiba grins. “I’ve always been good with numbers and street names. Comes with my job at the bar.”

 

Sho feels tears prickling in his eyes. “Masaki…”

 

“I know, I'm awesone,” Aiba smiles. “Let’s go and visit Toma and then find your sweetheart.”

 

“What if they did something to him?” Sho wants to know.

 

The others stay silent for a while. “We shouldn’t think that way,” Nino says carefully after all. “We need to focus and stay positive. Let’s find Toma-kun first, and be fast. Time is everything at the moment.”

 

Sho nods, although not put at ease at all. He knows Nino just diplomatically shipped around the topic. Before they can leave though, Ohno grabs his arm, patting it softly, while Aiba and Nino don’t listen. “If something happened,” he says softly. “We’ll help him through it. Because we don’t have any other option then.”

 

It’s nothing reassuring at all, but still Ohno’s words warm Sho’s heart a bit. Maybe it’s because he said _we_ and not _you._ He includes himself and the others, and it makes Sho’s heart beat faster to know that the others have accepted Jun in his life, simple as that.

 

“You’ll get him back,” Ohno says earnestly. “I know you will.”

 

 

~~~

 

Jun is leaning against the wall when the door opens again. He braces himself inwardly for whatever is going to come. His mind feels dizzy despite Toma’s efforts, he feels tired and drained, and every bone of his body seems to hurt.

 

This time it’s their fisher approaching him. Ugly, pathetic, disgusting scumbag. Jun glares up to him in defiance, earning him another slap to his face. He drops down to the side before the man pulls him up again, kicking him into his stomach.

 

Jun remembers the times he was still Yuki and at their mercy, and got beaten up and punished several times. It helps to be used to it, he thinks, but still his heart aches more than it did during the last couple of years. Maybe because he got to know Sho and his kindness, and thought he found a loophole out of his misery. For a few months he was allowed to be free. Seems to be over now.

 

When the fisher hits him again, Jun tastes iron on his tongue. What do they even want from him? He is there anyway! And he can’t fucking talk. So what?

 

Despite all that he doesn’t want to give himself up yet. He fears if he does, he will lose all hope. He is still in Tokyo after all, otherwise Toma wouldn’t be here, and he sent a message to Sho right before he was captured. He feels if he gives himself up, it’s going to be over forever, and he can just die on the spot.

 

“You really are pretty,” the chief says after he has watched them for a while. He takes a step forward, signalling the fisher to step aside. There is something in his eyes that makes Jun’s head spin and his stomach go upside down. No way! He knows this glance, he knows what it means!

 

Jun pushes away from the guy, his whole appearance disgusting him to no end. His heart is hammering against his chest so fast that he can almost hear it in his ears. A numb feeling spreading through him.

 

“Come here, honey. You can’t run away.” The man grins, obviously taking his fun out of Jun’s reaction. “Your doppelganger was just like you when we found him. A little boy growing up on the streets, you know? He was pretty… we knew that he would sell well. So we took him and…cared for him… He became our best.” He grins. “You could become our best too.”

 

FUCK OFF. Jun wishes he could yell at them and insult them, his eyes sparkling in fury when he thinks about what these guys are doing to these kids who are living in poverty. What they might have promised them to come here. What they might have promised _him_ to join them. He can’t remember. He was too young. It’s just disgusting.

 

“You should stop being so stubborn.” The man grumbles, slowly losing his patience. He walks closer to Jun, grabbing his shoulders so that he won’t be able to rob away from them. “Help me.” He mumbles towards the fisher.

 

The latter nods, his expression like a wild animal smelling blood, rushing towards his side. His eyes are shining lustfully when he is tugging at Jun’s shirt, almost ripping it off from his body. Jun is panting heavily, turning around and wriggling like crazy. He tries to kick them, to get away from them, but no matter what he does, the grip on his arm is so firm that it holds him in place without any bigger effort.

 

Jun feels how his throat is burning, his eyes getting blurred by the desperate tears he is crying. During his time with Sho he has actually believed that he would be able to live on without remembering his past, but to his shock his past came hunting him down. Literally.

 

When Jun feels how one of the guys is tugging at his trousers, he gathers his strength again. He won’t let them win without a fight, like… go to hell, you assholes! He wanted to give it all to Sho, all he has, he doesn’t want anyone else to fuck him. With new-found resolve he starts kicking around like madly. To his surprise it works, for a moment the grip on his shoulders loosening, making it possible for him to get free. Just like Toma advised him he frees his hands and rolls away from the guys, trying to hurry to the door, but his feet are weak, trembling like crazy and soon he feels an arm around his waist, pulling him back and throwing him to the floor.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry for the late update! I skipped last weekend, becaues I was lazy and felt no one is around anyways (holidays? finals? ^^)  
> So, we know Shun's story now. But Jun isn't safe at all... Somehow I feel like this is a pretty angsty chapter? Sorry if it is! I promise things will get better at one point!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun is in danger. Sho tries to save him.

The chief’s eyes are sparkling in fury when he hits Jun’s stomach, making him cough at the impact, tears appearing in his eyes from the sudden pain. He tries to cover his face to protect himself from these guys’ wrath, but to his surprise nothing is coming.

 

He blinks slightly, carefully removing his hands to take a look at what is happening. To his utmost surprise he sees Toma with a baseball bat in his hand, their chief unconscious on the floor and the fisher recovering from the shock. The latter is about to get back on his feet to probably knock Toma unconscious, but Toma just huffs angrily. “You have so lost today,” he spats out. “Or were you too preoccupied with your dirty game to listen what’s going on.” He smirks. “I let them in~” he singsongs.

 

Them?

 

Jun blinks, just like the fisher who is pulling the chief up again. Only now Jun is able to hear the noises, apparently coming from the next room. Before any of the guys can even react, the door flies open, another man storming into the room, eyes widened in panic. “Police!” he yells. “They are here…”

 

For a moment Jun is afraid that they would take him and Toma with them or do something to them before they try to escape, but apparently they are all too much in shock to even think of him, and Toma is still swinging his baseball bat dangerously. Once they chased away, Jun sits up a bit, robbing towards the wall and leaning against it. His breath is still going irregularly, his hands trembling and his face wet with tears. Damn it. He looks at Toma helplessly.

 

“Your boyfriend called me,” Toma explains, his voice shaking slightly. Jun’s heart makes a sudden jump. Sho? The fact that Toma calls him Jun’s boyfriend makes Jun even happier. “He told me the police are coming to save you, and he made me work together with them, and let them in.”

 

Jun nods weakly. When he hears footsteps he looks up nervously, his heartbeat going faster. He almost cries in relief when he realizes that Toma was right, and it really is the police rushing into the room. He just points at the direction the men left. Some of the policemen immediately rush into the direction, taking their chance to hunt these dirty guys down, two stay behind, obviously to check on him.

 

“I told them were the emergency exits are before they raided the place,” Toma explains, his voice shaking. He drops the baseball bat down now and sits down at the other side of the room, his body shaking. “Shit, that was close, Jun-san.”

 

Jun’s ears are still ringing from the beating he received and the fear of almost being raped. “Are you alright, Jun-kun?” A tall man with warm eyes approaches him all of a sudden. It’s Nagase. Jun recognizes him immediately. Jun half-shrugs and half-nods. It’s not like he is feeling good, but he could have been hurt much worse. Nagase seems to understand, and nods knowingly. He kneels down next to Jun, rubbing over his shaking arms. “You don’t need to worry. You are still looking pretty,” he says softly, taking a tissue and wiping Jun’s face clean. Then he takes off his jacket, wrapping it around Jun’s body. “Let’s go, your lover-boy is going crazy already. He basically intervened with our work and contacted your friend there.” He points at Toma. “If I don’t get you outside immediately he will probably raid this place too and create an even bigger mess.”

 

Jun feels tears brimming in his eyes when he hears it again – this time from Nagase – that Sho obviously was searching for him and didn’t give up. And he is here? Jun’s heart beats faster, he wants to see him so badly! He lets Nagase help him up, clinging to his arm while he does so. Every muscle of his body aches, but he couldn’t care less now. He limps outside, Nagase’s huge jacket keeping him warm. It’s so huge that probably two Juns would fit into it.

 

The whole area in front of the brothel is covered with policemen and police cars, their blue light lightening the whole area. He doesn’t know how many people are running around. He sees some hosts, treated by an ambulance and carefully questioned by the police. And he sees some members of the cartel being dragged to police cars. He smiles grimly when he sees the two men who tortured him before. Both the fisher and their chief are in a police car, already getting driven to another place.

 

Jun doesn’t care for the mess around him though, he is just looking for a certain someone with a rather small stature, pouty lips and chocolate brown hair. And- Ah, there he is. Sho is looking around too, basically rushing up and down like a nervous chicken, like he is searching for someone. Jun’s stomach clench when he realizes that Sho is probably looking for him. He waves wildly, wanting Sho to look at him, but that idiot is too busy rushing around and panicking. Sho!? Jun opens his mouth, only a gurgling sound escaping it. He coughs lightly, hands grasping his throat for support. “Sho-san?” he manages to breathe out.

 

His eyes widen when he hears his own voice. “Sho!” he tries it again, his voice hoarse. It hurts a bit to use it.

 

This time though Sho heard him, spinning around and looking into his direction. His eyes widen and then he is suddenly in front of Jun, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “Thank god,” he whispers, his eyelashes feeling wet again Jun’s cheek. “I’m so… I can’t… I mean… just so glad to have you back.”

 

Jun hugs him back, clinging to Sho helplessly. “Me…too,” he manages to rasp out.

 

Sho draws back a bit, his hands carefully touching Jun’s face. “You found your voice,” he says softly.

 

Jun nods, something behind his eyelids burning. He feels how his body is going limp all of a sudden, shaking like crazy. Sho wraps his arms around him again, holding him up. “It’s okay, my love,” Sho says softly. “It’s okay. It’s over. You are with me now.”

 

~~~

 

 

Sho basically drags Jun to one of the ambulance cars, making him sit down there first. The others join them, and Nino is immediately in his doctor-mode. “Hospital, check-up!” he orders. “Sho broke his thumb too. I’m not going to let the both of you get away just like that.”

 

Jun doesn’t want to go to the hospital at all, but Sho squeezes his hand and looks at him insistently. “Just a swift check-up, Jun, my love, okay? We’ll just do the necessary, so that we know if something is broken. Everything else we can do at home.”

 

Jun agrees, because he can’t possibly say no now. Before they can leave though, he looks at Sho carefully. “Can… I have…a minute?” he asks.

 

Sho blinks. “Of course.”

 

Jun nods, carefully limping towards Toma who is looking kinda lost in the whole mess. He has a warm cup of tea in his hands though. “Toma-kun,” Jun manages to say.

 

“Jun,” Toma looks up at him, then he shakes his head, eyes shimmering in tears suddenly. “Yuki-kun.”

 

“You knew…we were the same person?” Jun says, annoyed that speaking is still kinda hard for him.

 

Toma stays quiet for a moment, then he looks up, eyes shining in a desperate way. “I lied to you when we met,” he suddenly says, his voice shaking. “I said I hate you, but I didn’t. Never did. All this time you were my only friend. And then we fought because you wanted to protect me, and then they beat you up because you stood up for me. Then you were gone. I thought you were dead, I thought…”

 

Jun lets the information sink in. He has recovered most of his memory, but glimpses are still missing. This is one of these glimpses. “I’m glad… you don’t hate me.”

 

“You were always really kind to me. Sure, you had to protect yourself behind a stoic mask too, but you were good to me and to the others. We all respected you so much. I-” He pauses. “I didn’t want to tell you that I know who you are. I knew you weren’t lying to me, that you probably lost your memory. I just couldn’t let go of you. They found out I was meeting you and then wrote the message from my phone. It’s my fault, I should have left you alone and-“

 

“Toma,” Jun says softly. “Without you I would have…” he coughs. “Never retrieved my memory. Now I can finally leave the past behind. And you are also my friend.” He couldn’t let Toma down, which is probably why his subconscious told him to meet him regularly.

 

“What am I going to do now?” Toma asks, eyes wide in fear and worry. “I’m free. But I don’t know what to do.”

 

“You can find out what you like…” Jun smiles. “I’ll help you.”

 

Toma reaches out his hand. “Friends forever?”

 

Jun nods and shakes his hand.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun doesn’t like hospitals. Mainly because now he knows that when they had rough nights in the brothel they worked at or got beaten up by their supervisors, they would be brought to some sort of shady hospital that stitched them together again without much effort or sensitivity. Jun is afraid of doctors because the doctors there were just the same scumbags than the people running the brothel.

 

Nino and Sho keep their promise though: Jun gets checked immediately, as fast as possible, and Sho doesn’t leave his side. There are a few ribs broken and Jun gets a tight bandage around his upper body. Nino winks at him when Sho has to wait outside for a moment while they scan his body. “You are allowed to have sex,” he says casually. “As long as you lie on your back. But nothing too wild. Save the really wild nights for later. Two weeks.”

 

Jun blushes furiously, but really, he has no problems having light vanilla sex with Sho. When Jun comes outside, Sho is already waiting for him, his right hand wrapped in white bandage as well. Aiba is meanwhile half-asleep, resting his head in Ohno’s lap.

 

Sho gets up immediately, hurrying to Jun’s side to grab his arm in support. Jun bows deeply in front of all of them. “Thank you,” he says, his voice still hoarse.

 

“Don’t forget what I told you about talking too much,” Nino intervenes from behind. “Your voice needs time to recover. Don’t use it too much.”

 

“Listen to the man,” Aiba points out with a grin. “Because I need you to recover fast. All my regular customers are already whining because you aren’t here.”

 

“Well that’s of course highest priority,” Sho grumbles.

 

Aiba smirks and winks at Jun. “Of course.”

 

Jun smiles at that, happy that Aiba needs him and that he can continue to work there.

 

Before they leave Nino gives them around fifty more instructions. “He needs some food in his system, and liquid,” he says to Sho. “He ate a chocolate bar right now, but that’s not enough. Make him eat properly. And here are a few things you need.” What follows is a ten minute lecture by Nino about the crèmes and salves they need to use for the bruises on Jun’s body, and how he is allowed to wash himself carefully and how to change the bandage in case it rips open.

 

Jun feels so relieved once they are in the taxi back to Sho’s apartment. His ears are ringing weirdly from exhaustion and from his loose nerves, and he can’t wait to be home again and to just be able to let his nerves relax.

 

“We are home in a minute,” Sho says softly, his thumb rubbing over Jun’s hand soothingly. He doesn’t need to do more than that and Jun already feels his tears close to spilling by this soft gesture of his. “Just a little bit more,” he whispers against Jun’s cheek, like he realized that Jun is close to breaking down.

 

Sho doesn’t let go of his hand until they are finally at home and he closes the door behind them, and Jun finally can let go of it all. Sho pulls him in a warm hug and just lets him cry, hands rubbing over his shaking body and his voice saying soft encouraging words to Jun. At one point he manages to get them to the sofa where they can sit down, and Jun appreciates that Sho just hugs him and is there for him without any rush or complaints.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun wakes up by the smell of rice and soup in front of him. He hasn’t even realized how he fell to sleep. He feels a bit embarrassed for crying on Sho like that but when he wants to apologize Sho just grumbles something, not having any of it.

 

“You… cooked?” Jun rasps out, his voice even more drained from all the crying.

 

Sho smiles and presses a kiss on the top of his head. “I want you to eat, hence I decided it would be better to order something in for us. There is more of everything.”

 

Jun smiles, feeling exhausted, but after letting all his bottled up emotions out he also feels kind of relieved and calm. And hungry. He hasn’t even realized how hungry he is. He would have even eaten something Sho cooked, but the fried udon noodles, gyoza, ramen and all the other stuff Sho ordered looks a lot better to be honest.

 

“You only get the food if you kiss me,” Sho jokes.

 

Jun smiles brightly and pulls Sho in his arms, kissing him almost shyly. When they draw back, Sho smirks. “We can do that better,” he teases, pulling Jun in another much deeper kiss.

 

Actually Jun wants to do a lot more with Sho but it seems like Sho is in his mother hen mode and doesn’t want to do anything until Jun didn’t eat properly. He only realizes that Sho is right with his concern when he feels how the fog in front of his mind gets a bit clearer after eating a few bites, and soon his body feels stronger again by the much needed kick of energy.

 

Sho plants a kiss on his forehead, before taking the bag Nino gave him and roaming through all the bottles. He uses a disinfection sponge to attend to Jun’s bruises on his arm and face. Nino has already attended to the once on Jun’s stomach and chest.

 

Sho looks at him in worry and raises Jun’s chin with his finger, eyeing his face. “There is an angry spot,” he says, carefully touching Jun’s right cheek. “It’s going to become a bruise, I fear.”

 

“They hit me pretty hard,” Jun says without thinking much. Only when Sho’s eyes flash in anger, he realizes that he said too much. “I’m sorry,” he stutters.

 

“Don’t apologize,” Sho says with emphasis, eyes still dark in anger. “You did nothing wrong. These scumbags did.” He lets his right hand rest on Jun’s right cheek, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin under his eyes. “You did nothing wrong,” he says softly.

 

Jun feels fuzzy by his warm touch and equally warm words. He grabs Sho’s hand to keep it where it is.

 

“You’ll stay with me, won’t you?” Sho says hopefully.

 

Jun nods. Of course he will. He lets Sho hug him carefully. “Can we go to sleep?” he finally asks, slowly realizing how exhausted he is.

 

Sho smiles. “Of course.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Jun be able to leave his past behind for real?

Jun waits for the documents at hospital. He has just had his third and hopefully last check-up and Nino was pretty content with him and his progress. There is still some paperwork to do. He is just glad that he covered everything with the police and doesn’t need to worry about that anymore. Also he got back all his important documents that the brothel owners kept from him, such as birth certificate and alike, and he is finally back to being a normal citizen.

 

While he is waiting, he sees a dark-haired figure. Someone who is watching him for a few days already. Jun sighs, and signals him to come over. “Don’t lurk around,” he complains. “It’s freaking me out.”

 

“Sorry,” Shun says and sits down next to him. Then he looks at Jun through his huge eyes, reminding Jun of a puppy. He bows deeply. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t know what to do, and then I made everything worse. I’m sorry.”

 

Jun feels embarrassed by someone bowing so deeply to him. He is afraid that Shun is about to throw himself on the ground, and he really doesn’t want to see that now. “Is your brother safe?” he finally manages to ask, not sure what else to say or how to react.

 

Shun looks up. “His leg is broken pretty badly. And his arm too. But it’s going to be well again. He is recovering.”

 

Jun is shocked for a moment. He hasn’t imagined that Shun’s brother would really get hurt when Shun wouldn’t listen to their request. “They hurt him? After you came back to Sho-kun and told him and the others everything?”

 

Shun stays quiet for a while. “It’s my problem, you know? It was wrong to call such a shady service to begin with. It’s my fault.”

 

“I didn’t know they would make photos and blackmail you,” Jun explains.

 

“I know, you didn’t.” Shun sighs. “As I said: my mistakes.”

 

Jun swallows, not sure if he is ready to forgive Shun yet. He trusted him all the while he was there. He even suspected Nino for a while because he wasn’t sure what’s wrong. He feels embarrassed and mad that a good-looking and somewhat successful guy like Shun paid for his services once. However, he can understand how Shun wanted to protect his brother. “You came back,” Jun says after a while. “It has to count something too. And without you they would have never found me and raided the place. Just next time research better before you buy sex.”

 

Shun grimaces. “I’ll never do that again. It was wrong to begin with.”

 

“What are you going to do now?” Jun wants to know.

 

“I’m not sure,” Shun admits. “Nagase-kun is pretty mad, but he wants to give me a second chance. Although your Sakurai-san told him not to.”

 

Jun’s heart warms at the mention of Sho’s name. “I can handle Sho-kun,” he says. “You have to make your own decisions.”

 

Shun stays quiet for a while. “You are a good person, Jun-san. I hope one day you can really forgive me.”

 

“I think with time I can,” Jun says confidently, not wanting to hold a grudge against anyone anymore. He just wants to move forward. Shun pats his shoulder and leaves, obviously deciding not bother him anymore. Jun looks after him, not sure if he should have been more encouraging or more forgiving, but then he decides he didn’t do that bad. Shun will be alright. He just makes a mental note to himself to send some chocolate and flowers to his poor little brother who is still in hospital, and obviously was pulled into this mess without being at fault at all. “Hey,” he calls after Shun. The latter turns around, surprised. Jun smirks like the little devil he can be sometimes. “They say a police officer earns lots of money. So when you get your next pay check don’t forget to buy me a nice apology-gift.”

 

Shun nods.

 

 

~~~

 

Nino’s eyes are following the auburn haired guy serving the guests at Aiba’s bar. He is wearing a black apron and tight jeans, and overall looks really good. Sometimes he goes to the bar, asking Jun for advice, who is now Aiba’s co-manager.

 

“Is your bar turning into a host club now?” Nino asks towards Aiba.

 

Aiba waves him off. “Please. It just so happens that I attract the pretty guys,” he says smugly.

 

Sho is about to intervene and argue that he actually found Jun, but right at that moment the auburn-haired pretty guy approaches them. “Yuki…” he pauses. “I mean, Jun said that I should bring the dark-haired small guy a tuna sandwich-“ he places it in front of Nino. “And the stunning, hot one – his words, not mine – a tofu salad.” He places it in front of Sho, who can’t help but blush and feel pretty smug at the same time. Stunning and hot, huh? He doesn’t even mind that Nino snorts in amusement, and Aiba giggles. “And here are the drinks.”

 

“Thank you, Toma-kun,” Aiba chirps. “You are doing well.”

 

Toma’s eyes light up happily. “Thank you so much for this chance, Aiba-san!” he says with emphasis. “I wouldn’t have known what else to do!”

 

Aiba waves him off non-chalantly. “It’s nothing, really. You are doing a good job. And my regular customers love you. You can stay as long as you want.”

 

Toma nods thankfully before going back to work. Meanwhile Ohno nuzzles his nose into Aiba’s neck, making him giggle. When Aiba and Nino leave for a moment to grab themselves a few more drinks, Sho takes the opportunity to ask Ohno for advice. “Satoshi-san,” he says earnestly.

 

“Hm,” Ohno hums. “What is with Jun?”

 

Sho’s eyes widen. “How did you know?”

 

Ohno chuckles helplessly. “Because you are only beating around the bush when it’s him. So, what’s the problem?”

 

“He is… I don’t know…” Sho looks at Jun, who is smiling at some guests, handing them two perfectly mixed mojitos. “He is sweet and all, but he kind of closed up a bit, if that makes sense?”

 

“Makes completely sense,” Ohno answers immediately. Sho feels Ohno’s glance resting on him, before his friend smiles warmly. “This is not because of you, Sho-kun. Jun really loves you. He is just dealing with a lot of stuff at the moment.”

 

“Stuff?”

 

“Yes, like… what is he supposed to do now? Should he study? Work? He probably tries to wrap his mind around what’s happened, and he can’t ignore it anymore, especially since his memory came back.” He nudges Sho with his elbow. “Give him some time. Besides I already told him that my offer is still up, and he can come and have a few therapy sessions with me. It would do him good. He said, he will try.”

 

Sho nods tentatively. Of course, Ohno is right. He should have thought of that himself. For Jun everything is probably really draining at the moment, the past happenings saddening and difficult to forget. He probably feels at a loss. Sho decides to help him through it, simple as that.

 

 

~~~

 

Jun is reading a book in the park. It’s his new favourite spot, and now that he can walk around freely without being in danger anymore, he sometimes comes here even without Sho. It feels weird though, and most of the time he still feels scared to leave their apartment.

 

“Hello, beautiful man! You should be careful not to stay outside for too long, or the sun will get jealous of your beauty.”

 

Jun looks up in equal surprise at being suddenly approached and amusement at the bad pick-up line. He blushes slightly when he looks directly into Sho’s hazel brown eyes. “Sho-kun?”

 

Sho smiles. “Yes, it’s me.”

 

Jun returns his smile, feeling fuzzy when Sho sits down next to him and touches his arm softly. Then he chuckles lightly. “The sun will get jealous? Really? I thought you were better at picking someone up.”

 

Sho laughs. “I already picked you up,” he jokes. “So, I hope you will accept my bad pick-up lines.”

 

Jun snuggles against Sho’s arm when the latter wraps it around his shoulder. Of course he won’t mind Sho’s cheesy pick-up line. Sho is his personal hero, his only steady constant in his life, the person who made him open his heart and leave behind his past. Sho could use cheesy pick-up lines daily, and he wouldn’t mind because he loves him so freaking much. “How come you are here so early?” he asks, while trying not to blush at his own thoughts.

 

“My meeting ended early, and I thought I could kidnap you for lunch?”

 

Jun’s chest feels warm immediately at that offer. He takes the hand Sho offers him and nods in agreement.

 

“Where do you want to go?” Sho asks him while he gets up and pulls Jun up with him.

 

“Can we have something at home?” Jun asks carefully. “It’s the most comfortable there, and…well…”

 

Sho chuckles. “Of course.”

 

They walk home together, and Jun’s heart jumps when Sho takes his hand into his, holding it tightly, not minding people looking at them. He is so happy that Sho does things like that – openly claiming Jun as his partner. They stop at their favourite soba restaurant and buy several dishes to bring home. Sho rambles on and on about how he wants to try this or that, but how he also wants to have the usual stuff… and they end up buying way more than they could eat.

 

“We can have the leftovers next week,” Sho states casually. Jun nods, and slowly feels how his melancholic mood from before when he was in the park alone is getting better again.

 

At home Jun mixes them two drinks, while Sho prepares everything on the couch table. Once they settle down on the sofa, Sho insists on feeding Jun the first bite, making him giggle. “You are so silly,” Jun chuckles.

 

Sho smiles. “Made you laugh, finally,” he points out, and Jun looks up at him in surprise.

 

He instantly feels tears prickling his eyes. “Sho… I…” his voice trails off, he just doesn’t know what he should say.

 

“I know,” Sho says softly, bending forward to kiss his cheeks, and wipe his tears away. “Jun,” Sho says, taking his hand into his, and squeezing it. “Take all the time you need to heal, I know this is difficult for you and you have all the right in the world to take your time and to find your way to move on. I will support you, always, just please promise me you won’t lock me out, okay?”

 

Jun wipes with his arm over his eyes. “I love you so much, Sho-kun. And I want to be stronger than that.”

 

“But you are strong,” Sho urges. “To imagine what you went through and how strong you were. Someone else would have broken down!”

 

“It’ just… I… I mean… I don’t even know why I feel like this… and I…” his voice trails off.

 

Sho offers him some noodles with chili sauce, feeding him casually, like they weren’t having a difficult talk. “Why don’t you tell me _how_ you feel?” he finally offers, his voice soothing and warm.

 

“I don’t even know for sure,” Jun admits quietly. “When I couldn’t remember I was able to live in this bubble, you know? But now…”

 

“Now the bubble is gone,” Sho states, and Jun nods.

 

Sho looks at him for a while, then he puts his chopstick aside and wraps his arm around Jun’s shoulders and pulls him into his arms. Jun feels better almost immediately just by being in his arms. Sho takes Jun’s hand, turning it to face the palm. Then Jun feels Sho’s finger moving over it in one of their old ways to communicate. _It’s okay to feel scared._ Sho writes. _Don’t pressure yourself. I’m here for you._ And _I love you._

 

Jun’s eyes widen, his heart feeling warm and sad at the same time. He leans into Sho’s arms and lets Sho hug him tightly before he writes on Sho’s palm in return. _I love you too._

 

Sho smiles, placing his hand on Jun’s cheek and turning his face to make him look at him. Then he kisses him, and it feels so soft and warm that is swamps Jun with all kind of fuzzy and calming feelings.

 

When they draw apart, Sho looks at him lovingly, before kissing the back of his head. “And now we can gradually help you find the answers you are looking for,” he says and presses a kiss against Jun’s palm. “You’ll see. Soon your fears won’t haunt you anymore. And the bad memories will be replaced by good ones. We’ll try to gather as many good ones as possible. What do you say, my love?”

 

Jun nods under tears.

 

“And we need to find a way to stop you from crying so much,” Sho teases softly. “I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

 

Jun can’t help a chuckle.

 

“No really,” Sho rambles on. “Nino is going to be mad and scold me when you have to go to a check-up and realizes that you are dehydrated and-“

 

“Okay, I got it,” Jun interrupts him with a laugh, adoring the way his Sho can be so quirky and cute when it’s just the both of them. Something he only shows to Jun. “You are so silly sometimes.” He puts their plates to the side, gets rid of his shirt like it’s the most normal thing to do and opens his arms willingly. “Come,” he says, grinning when he sees how Sho’s eyes get darker. “I know a perfect way to keep me from crying.”

 

Sho follows his wish without hesitation. Of course. He smirks though while he straddles Jun’s hips. “This is actually my way to _make_ you cry~” he says teasingly.

 

Jun blushes at his words. When Sho dives down into his arms, and he feels his body against his, so warm and strong, Jun can’t help but almost cry at how lucky he was to be found by such a guy.   
  
He knows he can achieve everything, and look forward optimistically with Sho at his side. Sho has always giving him the support and protection he needed. He just knows he will be able to leave his past behind one day, with Sho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! Finally the last chapter! Jun will most likely need some time to leave everything behind, but that's understandable isn't it? He has to deal with a lot, and he doesn't even know his right place in society yet. It's probably really confusing. He has Sho though, who understands and supports him (I guess all the time when Jun couldn't talk they learned to communicate really well <3) and they love each other a lot.  
> And Toma is working for Aiba now :D Shun might get a second chance... but that's not part of this story ;-) 
> 
> Thanks so much to all of you who followed this story! I hope you like this last chapter! <3
> 
> I'm already wondering what to work on next. I have my Princes-story of course ;-) but I'm also considering posting a shorter multi-chapter... Maybe a Matsumiya one? Or should it be Sakumoto again? :-)


End file.
